The Pursuit of Happiness

Been a while hasn't it? I'd say welcome back but we all know that no one is desperate enough to continue to come back to this site. So instead I'll start of with a friendly 'hello' and hope that what I'm probably going to write right now will seem interesting enough for you to spend a couple of minutes on.

So earlier this week results came out. Now these aren't your regular end of term 'next-time-I'll-do-better' results, this is the real life-deciding deal; and for many of us they weren't what we expected. So now how do we deal with that? I could stand here spouting all sorts of bull crap about how things will get better, and of how life has set you on a new better path, but we all know that I'll be wasting your time with complete and utter nonsense.

Let's face it. This sucks. Definitely if your future was suddenly taken away from you, you wouldn't want consolation. You'd want to smash things; curse the world for being cruel; maybe even go on a wild rampaging spree... anything basically besides listen to someone tell you that it's probably for the best.

As a person who's been on both sides of the roads I know how frustrating it is from either point of view. If you're the one being consoled, you're seriously considering ripping out the throat of the one consoling you. If you're the one consoling, you know that if it were you in the opposite person's position, you wouldn't even wait around to listen to your shit.

So now what? Well to me I feel there are 3 stages that people in this situation go through.

First is grief - The eternal sadness of not achieving your dreams has finally hit you. Waves of guilt, vulnerability and most of all pain overcome you. You seem lost for a few moments as you contemplate 'what now?'. The thing that hurts most probably is if you're a self conscious person like me, you will always wonder whether people will now view you as a failure. This is your biggest challenge that you'll face, and you have to overcome it if you even plan on moving on

Next is blame - You've finally accepted your current situation and now you're on the warpath looking for someone to blame for what has happened. Maybe it's your friends who insisted you keep on partying late into the night. Or your parents for taking you out constantly when you felt you should have studied. Lets be honest (say the first two words fast) you are the own freaking boss of your destiny. Do not forget that you agreed to most of these things whether knowingly or not. Call it peer pressure, family pressure or any other pressure, you gave into it rather focus on your goals and now you're paying the price. When you finally realize this, you'll seriously wish that the price wasn't so high.

Finally is revival - This stages could come frequently in-between the other two former stages, but you'll know it's real when you finally start to let go. When you decide that enough-is-enough and moping around won't help anyone, you've finally started the healing process. What is soon to follow is the desire to do better. Changes to your lifestyle could either be radical or they could be slow and progressing. Whatever they may be it is important to realize that these changes do not guarantee success in the future. They could be obliterated as you settle back into your old habits, or simply not strong enough to make a difference. However they are something you're willing to try out for the time being. Therefore you've opted to take a different path, preferably a brighter one as you move out of the shadows and back into the sunlight.

So now that I've basically written out my life-story in these few paragraphs I'm hoping you'll at least be able to relate with me and what I'm talking about. True, disappointment sucks but you're only making it worse by letting it take a hold of you. We're only human for god's sake. Mistakes are bound to happen but that doesn't me that we let them take us down. We simply get up, dust ourselves off, and get back on the trail to find happiness.

In all honesty, the 'pursuit of happiness' is a battle, and if you're not fighting, then it isn't happiness that you're looking for.

Memories that haunt you... And why overthinking SUCKS!

Okay so before I get knee-deep in all these thoughts that have been swirling around my head for the past 3 days let me take a moment to tell you that I got a MacBook! Yay I've joined the rest of the mindless zombies who have caved into Apple's great power. Meh it's still a good machine, though typing can get a bit weird sometimes.

Getting back to the original topic at hand... memories. If you're a guy with issues (A.K.A me) then definitely there are going be moments during the day when you look back at all the shitty stuff you've done with your life and feel absolutely terrible at how you reacted to them. There are still times when I just feel sad at how terrible a person I was and how I goofed up so many times. The irritating part is because of my ability to recollect so clearly, I'm basically reliving those moments day after day, night after night, wondering how I could have done those things... and what would have happened if things had occurred differently?

People always tell me that I zone out sometimes. It's quite obvious when you're staring at me and I look like a somewhat paralyzed dog with my eyes all misty and not at all interested in what you're saying. It's at that point when I'm actually deep inside my own thoughts (wow that sounded weird) wondering how situations will play out if certain elements of it were to be changed. More often than not, I bow to the inevitable, sure that in time what I saw will in fact come true.

In other news I tend to overthink a lot. Like a lot. Like seriously way too much for any sane person to be doing so (well we all knew I was never sane). Thing is I overthink things because that how I've always lived my life ever since I reached high school. As a person who always found it difficult to interact with others (making friends was like playing life on expert mode) I would generally stay in the shadows, watching from a distance and wondering what would happen if I went up to someone just to say 'hi'.

Being a person who is naturally singled out as the 'weird' one, I've come to accept that title as part of myself. Weirdness just seems to flow through me, though I feel what I do is quite normal. Maybe that's the way things are... one person's view isn't the same as the others.

Minor Irks of Friendship...

I had two reasons for writing this post. One because I realized that writing it all out helps give me a clearer perspective of my situation, and two, because I hoped that those of you out there reading this would be able to understand what I'm feeling.

Every now and then there comes a point where one of our friends becomes a downright nuisance. You may not realize it, you may wonder how it happens but more often than not you will find yourself regretting becoming friends with that person. There's a period we go through symbolizing this where they say every action, every word spoken by that person seems to irritate the hell out of you. That individual becomes a pesky fly that you just want to swat or make it go away. The weird part is you can't ignore it since because that person is a part of your life you will, needless to say, be spending a certain amount of time with them daily. So now what? In my opinion downtime from that person I feel is the best cure. After all they do say that absence makes the heart grow fonder... Unless that person has become an absolute dick for no reason; then screw logic and chuck em like a burnt potato.

For those of you wondering where I'm going with this post, don't worry I'm not done yet (oh the joy for you). Actually I also wanted to talk about another element of this slightly toxic relationship called friendship. You'll probably be able to relate with me for this one. I'm sure for each of you at some point of time there has been a situation where someone close to you has let you down. Now I'm not talking about doing something that's a game breaker for the relationship. No I'm talking about minor disappointments, stuff the other person may have not realized but you have. Like plans you were really looking forward to being suddenly cancelled. Or wanting to meet someone after a while but the other person not giving any effort towards making that happen. Now believe me these are just thoughts of mine that seem to float about aimlessly in my head. To me they seem true but it could be a whole other reality for you. Nevertheless this is my blog, these are my words so like I enjoy saying... Deal with it.

Now you're probably wondering when I'm going to shut my trap and end this post (figuratively speaking); be patient I've only got one last thing to point out. So this is a thought that I've really been wanting to express for a while now but haven't been able to find an outlet till today. A few days ago I witnessed a scene that made me finally realize that friends can be classified into two separate categories, those who are there for you through the good and bad and those who are there to have fun... And I'm sure right after you've read that you're already classifying your current friends circle into the two groups and deciding to only keep those who will be there for you. The thing is if we did that, we'd all be left with very, very few friends. There has to be a balance of all kinds even in this case. Getting back to the original situation, a friend of mine (well actually more acquaintance than friend) recently found himself in a bad situation. Now of those who are close to him who were present with us at that time only one volunteered to help out whereas the others merely criticized the situation as a waste of their time. Wow that was a lot harder to explain than I thought it would be without actually giving away what happened. So that brought me to thinking, if I was stuck in that person's shoes, who would help me out. Now I don't mean merely provide cheer support from a distance, I mean actually getting deep into my troubles and helping me solve them. Hmm I can't seem to think of anyone. Maybe I need new friends, or maybe it's time to meet new people. *Disclaimer* To all of you out there reading this, before getting mad after reading what I may or may or not have said about you, take a deep breath and consider why this might be true.

Anyways I guess I just needed to get this all out, it's high time I started writing about what I feel, even if it is to a bunch of complete strangers... or maybe I'm retarded, yes that definitely could be an option.

Disappointment... And why Imagination is better than Reality

Clearly I've realized that most of you have probably gotten bored with my whole 'depressing post' syndrome but this my blog so I'll say to you what I say to everyone else who criticize me, 'Deal with it'.

Now that we've got that out of the way let's move on with why I've decided to go all Devdas and write this ridiculous piece. Feeling disappointed is natural I guess, especially to teenagers who often complain about life not being fair. Truth be told some of us really don't realize how lucky we are because we choose to whine about the little things that we feel seem to matter. Now don't get me wrong, it's good to care about the little things, but making a big deal about a tiny problem won't solve anything. Someone once told me, 'Keep low expectations for everyone, cause in the end they're all going to let you down'. I don't think he realized how significant that one sentence would become or whether or not he too had played a part in it.

So now I'm going to take a slightly different route to this morose post and question why people get disappointed; perhaps the answer lies in the image we expect to be created, and the harsh reality that soon follows. To be honest (wow never thought I'd say that), a major contributor towards why we feel low is because of what we had hoped would happen.

These fantasies we devise, the scenarios we create and the pictures we envision are all grossly over exemplified and lack the discord that reality brings with it. Think about what I've said here (if you can understand it), haven't there been times when you were excited for something solely because of how you anticipated it would be, only to be let down when things didn't go the way they were planned? If that's the case then join the club, for everyone and anyone has at some point of time been deceived by their own imagination.

So now what? I for one really love immersing myself into the visions I can create inside my head, oblivious to my surroundings and free from all the negativity. Sadly though I can't stay in my dream world for very long, and sooner or later it's time to face to perils that reality brings with it. So from this I'll leave you with a piece of advice...  while imagination is good, and creativity is sometimes necessary to add a bit of mystery to your life, you should never let it take control of how you perceive life and how you decide to live it.