SS.5 Healer

The following pieces are a reflection of the experience both I and those around me have encountered. This 10 part series brings with it an attachment to a part of life built upon by a significant human emotion.

Disclaimer: The series is based loosely on sketches of random events. In no way is it meant to represent a factual life.

Song of Choice - "Tenerife Sea" - Ed Sheeran

Rest.

Sleep.

Breathe.

Bad days are strange. They affect people differently. Anger and frustration can be one. Sleep and weakness can be another. A lot more lie out there but these are the two that seem to crop up a lot for me.

You know, I never knew I'd end up where I am right now. We can't seem to understand how life has led us here. This moment. This place. This person to live. I always find it funny. That I as a person am just thoughts and actions guiding a body. It's my responsibility to do what's right for me. Not anybody else's. Despite what I think; we are just someone trying to live. And I understand that.

I'm thinking about how I'm breathing right now. It's calming and constant. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. You are too now, aren't you?

I'm thinking about the little things now. Replaying the moments that have led up to where we are right now. Those linking moments. How things somehow fell into place. How if you look back at it; the memories seem more structured now that we can appreciate them for what they were. It's like everything had a place. It just didn't feel that way when we were going through it.

It's 1:50am currently and the warm glow of my lamp covered by my beanie is making me rather philosophical when it comes to life (all lamps should be covered by beanies). Hey Giddy, here's looking at you.

My Spotify crashed.

Nope back up again.

People talk too much. Bit rich coming from me. Yet if you look at it. I rarely talk; about me. Hmm wonder if that's a bad thing?

End on a good note? You've got your whole life ahead of you. Even beyond that if things turn out how I foresee it. Burdening yourself isn't generally worth it. Stop listening to yourself when you're the one who's bringing you down. Stop questioning the mistakes you think you've made. Stop criticising what's brought you here. Stop being the kind of person you wouldn't wish onto others. Be the kind of person others wish to be.

The ideals we lived

Utopia. Unattainable. Everlasting. We grasp the concept of a life we can never live yet wildly push to reach its identical. Another time, another person, another you;

Reality is different. It's harsh, vivid and often not what you want. How do you escape this dream world you so idealistically desire and move forth with what's there in front of you? We all wished things were a bit different. Loved ones who should be here with us, times of stress replaced by peace and serenity, forgotten words best left unspoken... A second life that should have been.

We are at the very mercy of our minds who lead us to this guilt ridden state. We internally debate with the irrational decisions that lead us to where we are while kicking ourselves for being so foolish. Yet things sometimes do in fact turn out alright. Sure we're not where we wanted to be, who we wanted to be and with those who are meant to be there. We are however moving on with reality and despite everything else the one thing that reality does it that it forgives.

Our ideals are ideals for a reason. They were never meant to be more than a fictional life we created. Reality is different. It allows you to feel pain, to recognise a lesson learn, a mistake made and more often than not, gives you the chance to move on. We all feel like the world is crashing in on us at some point or  another but you've got to fight on. You've got to be brave to go on alone if it comes down to it or with those who were there for you during your time of need. Everyone wants their ideal life, but sometime either now or later; you just have to let go.