SS.7 Dimensions

The following pieces are a reflection of the experience both I and those around me have encountered. This 10 part series brings with it an attachment to a part of life built upon by a significant human emotion.

Disclaimer: The series is based loosely on sketches of random events. In no way is it meant to represent a factual life.

Song of Choice - "Lost My Way" - MAX

Moonlight arched over the window as he awoke pale faced and drenched in sweat. Covers were thrown. He stood up. 

"The past haunts me still"

His silhouette faced the ivory mirror as he stared back into the cold brown eyes that he knew so well. Tears glistened as his irises refracted back the glowing moon. It was time to go back. To embrace the past that had denied him peace of mind. To look beyond the man that he had become. To see beyond his one-dimension. His vision blurred. 

"He smiled. The air bubbled with tales of happiness. They playfully argued. Memories that were made only recently bound tighter than steel. It was his priority. To restore the damage that had been done so as to begin anew. People scoffed. How could one trust so willingly? To care beyond that which others had been treated with for so long? Voices were brushed away carelessly. His desire to prove wrong the capability of people drove him further. Instilling change was his biggest strength and perhaps his only weakness. He was blinded. Ties shattered and life grew dark. "I've lost my way""

"People spoke about him with passion. He was friend to all yet relied on none? How could he? When people existed to use him. Don't let them in. They'd never understand you. They never did but he always let them in. Each one breaking a part that brought importance to his life. It darkened his view on what the world promised. Guilt, Greed, Gossip. Self-desire fuelled all it seemed. Why shouldn't it though? His was a world of survival, yet only he was the fool trying to build a future."

"They saw greatness. He saw only the next goal. Targets blinded his view. Like a never ending game, he simply wanted to move onto the next mission. His impatience soon saw the downfall of what could have been. He made mistakes. Sidetracked by others he flung himself into a life of tranquility that was time-bound to his need by the few. That need ended and he was left alone again. Pain welled up inside and he refused to see the good that he had left behind. Other's pride in him was mere dust that reminded him of a past when he was happy. He yearned for that yet searched in all the wrong places."

The moonlight calmed him. Heartbeats returned to normal as a smile reflected back from the mirror he saw into. "Never again". And then the walls returned. 

Strength

Pain pulled from anguish. Her heartbeat raced. Conflicting opinions clashed against each other like a story with no end. She exhaled. Memories replayed themselves. Each another reminder of the fool that she thought herself to be. A fool who sought to wander back into the circle of life she so despised. A life with no end.

They haunted her. Spiralling around her mind, weaving into what could only be her fragmented sanity. Yet she held herself together. Tears her water. Torment her air. She knew she was the one to blame. After all you can't lash out at what never was.

The cycle continued. Days became a blur of the same let-downs that were promised not to be repeated. They gelled together, a glue of mistakes realised too late. Then she looked at the monster she had created in herself. The hurt came.

She steadied. Her pulse stable. Breathing lowered. Must move on. Must not let them see. Must be brave. But why? What had she done to deserve this?

"If you let others use you, they will"

The morning sun spiralled into the tears that began to flow down her face. She promised herself she wouldn't cry. Warmth filled inside her. The emotions gave in. For a moment that seemed like an eternity, she was the person she despised the most. She was the cause and creation of her problems alone. She halted. But,... Those mistakes taught her the ability to see what others have yet to. To recognise how life was heading before it reached there. To fix a memory not yet broken. Those mistakes; they gave her strength.

She rose, her porcelain face damp from tears. And begin to live a new day.

Identity

"The Wisp Sings"- Winter Aid

You. The person who you are right now. That which has been crafted by years and years of memories that have stitched themselves up to lead to this one moment. You.

Your friends. A path selected. A mirror of you or a mirror of what's left? A difficult view to realise and a harder one to understand.

It's hard to conceive the thought that perhaps our lives are not merely dictated by the actions we take but by the actions of others. We seek courage from those who are brave. Look for advice from those who are smart. Hold close those who we love.

People have forever been indebted to each other. There is not a concept of a solo life. Yet our generation has grown more fearful of letting people in. They say that people like you are your biggest allies; but then they are also those who have your biggest faults. Embrace the different, or remain ring-fenced by yourself.

I've often wondered what would happen if I met a person so alike me that from the very start it felt right. Then I realised that perhaps that would have been a mistake. No one to argue with about differences that never occurred. No one to challenge the boundaries of who you are as a person. No one to make you see what you could be.

It would have been nice though. To have someone understand. Yet then perhaps what others fail to understand, we push too hard to see ourselves. Our identity; the person who we are at this point, reflects the changes that we've made to reach where we are. Constant has never been something to look forward to. For constant reflects an end, an end we're not sure if we're ready to accept.

To my mind, I stand by the decision to stray far and wide from what people see others to be. For if you don't give someone a chance, why should they?