SS.10 Recourse

The following pieces are a reflection of the experience both I and those around me have encountered. This 10 part series brings with it an attachment to a part of life built upon by a significant human emotion.

Disclaimer: The series is based loosely on sketches of random events. In no way is it meant to represent a factual life.

Song of Choice - "Millionaire" - Cash Cash

"You were given the chance to live a different life. A chance to be remembered. Yet you threw it away..."

There's a part of you that wants it all. The fame, money, love; the chance to cement yourself in a legacy that is spared by the ravages of time. 

There's a part of you that wants happiness. A life perhaps not so lavish but one worth remembering. Memories held by others that kept you alive in their minds. 

There's a part of you that wants it to end. To be rid of the responsibilities, dilemmas and struggles that lie both in the present and future.   

He enjoyed it. The allure of mystery that emanated. Who is he? What do you know about him? What do people say? 

Life was simple. Moulded by his desire and fuelled by the ability to act upon it. His likes, a fraction of what the world could offer, yet he took pride in the exclusivity of his enjoyment. This was his domain. His friends, a circle narrowed so tight it seemed impossible to fail. Failure would not be tolerated. Yet it was imminent. 

People drifted in and out of his life; almost a passé. The few who stayed, he grew bored. To him effort was a chore for the other side. Pragmatic at the very least, but effective in showcasing how grounded his views were. There was no room for new, there was no room to do anything that was perhaps different. 

Yet he joined the ranks of hundreds of thousands like him. Dreamers in reality, yet drained of the full circle of capability needed to bring visions to life. As time served its role, the dreams began to fade and reality gripped the ignorance that would soon lead to pain of every sorts. Mistakes were made and egos were beaten. Yet life can't be so cruel, can it? 

Links were restored and a second chance bestowed. This 'alternate life' you speak of may not be so bad. Balance was restored as people would say? However, natures are hard to change aren't they? 

He was happy. Happy in his own world, happy to lash out at whoever he wished, happy to live the way he always wanted to live. Milestone to milestone, each goal etched through. And perhaps that was the way it was meant to be. There would be no surprise ending. This was a path that wasn't meant to change. It was always and forever, constant. 

*This marks the concluding piece in The Reflection Series. Part 9 will remain unpublished as a request by the individual it resonates with. The author hopes that you have enjoyed reading*

Memories - Legeriz 1

She smiled. Coffee mug nestled in the folds of her hands as she gazed over the arched window that lit up the pale bedroom with pouring moonlight. Curtains drawn as her eyes hungrily looked onto the riverside that drifted along by her, still dimly visible by the cold ebony street lights that illuminated the narrow passage way.

Her breath misted up the cold glass as a shiver went down her spine. A bit early for winter she thought, but never too early, as she slipped on her satin robe. The shadowed individuals dancing in the virgin snowfall outside seem unaffected by the cold. The man, heavily scarfed and adorned in a suede trenchcoat seemed to be enjoying himself as his partner shyly kept her eyes on the ground below, careful not to trod onto his feet. She was perhaps taken aback by how different the night had turned out from the one she had perceived it to be. "You won't hurt me, Kairi", he snickered as she turned her view back towards him. She blushed, colour flooding her porcelain face as the man brought his closer to hers.

A perfect moment. The figure in the window continued to look down at the couple dance, her eyes though remained focused on the girl. Kairi looked up and for a moment their gaze met. She smiled at the figure, while the figure smiled back, her view unbroken as she continued to dance. Brown eyes stared back into brown as the familiar face looked on. Decades had passed yet the face in the window seemed unaffected by the ravages of time. The man brought her eyes back to his, fear and confusion swept across his face as he noticed the tears that trickled down Kairi's cheeks. She continued to smile.

The girl in the window had disappeared and a familiar sensation of emptiness seemed to encapsulate Kairi. It wasn't the cold, yet the chill of the night ending had begun to settle in. She continued to dance, fiercely determined to hold on. The moon had reached its zenith and light flooded through the streets. The figure had returned to bed, circular glasses lay precariously placed on top of her coffee mug. Next to it a familiar photo of the couple dancing on a night nearly identical to this.

Out on the street the night wind swept through, autumn leaves strewn aside. The path lay bare, footsteps hadn't graced it for several years now. The girl began to drift off into a dreamless sleep. Her fingertips instinctively reaching out for the photograph besides her. Scribbled neatly into the dark wood frame, she found what she always looked for.

"To Kairi,

Who made the night young again

                                   With Love,"

And then, the memory ended.

SS.8 Conflicted

The following pieces are a reflection of the experience both I and those around me have encountered. This 10 part series brings with it an attachment to a part of life built upon by a significant human emotion.

Disclaimer: The series is based loosely on sketches of random events. In no way is it meant to represent a factual life.

Song of Choice - "Say You Love" - Steinar

To be there for someone who doesn't want you. 

She saw him suffer, her heart aching as pieces of him lay broken off. A shell of what she remembered. Anger and betrayal erupted inside her as she pushed back against the view her eyes held. This wasn't meant to happen; not to her; not to him; not now...

You go through a period where after knowing a person for long, to see them disappear so suddenly, so frightfully fast can leave you questioning whether fighting for change was worth it all. To her the world had robbed someone she cared about. She lay alone yet surrounded. A busy kind of emptiness; one where stopping lets the pain set in, so you keep moving to avoid it ever catching up. 

There were those days though. Where things seemed to be shifting for the better. Those brief moments of happiness made life so much harder than they had to be. She had seen what could be, but it never lasted longer than for her to just to have hope again. So she turned to others, the few who she knew would listen. An attempt at consolation, one she didn't want nor see the point of having. Yet she had to try. 

The few months with him had hardened her. Years compressed into minutes she wished she could escape. Moments where she wondered, was it worth leaving at all? Despite all her success, glory and joy, she lay there back again at square one; conflicted. 

 

Independence

"This is my life; I aim to live mine to the fullest"

"There's so much more that I could be doing; This is my chance"

"These are the times we create memories with the people that will last with us forever""

Independence to me is a strange concept. I don't particularly view it as the ability to survive on your own. I see it more as a nature; the willingness to thrive in scenarios that you construct and have complete control of. As an independent individual; you rely not on the opinions or considerations of others. Your life was meant to be lead the way you want it to be lead. Any mistake or gain is yours to take pride in or accept.

Now to me this was something I found hard to believe. The ability to alienate how others would react and focus purely on self-gain is something that I have never been able to achieve; albeit sometimes I wish I could. The "right thing" in my mind involved the altruistic view that perhaps being there for someone would eventually work out. You soon begin to realise that life doesn't usually work that way. You very rarely find two individuals who are able lean back and forth onto each other in perfect balance. There will be those times when you feel left out and nothing really can be done to change it; besides accepting it.

Funny though; we don't realise how we sometimes delve in and out of our dependent and independent lives. See to an individual who does what's best for them, there may be times where being dependent onto someone is in fact what's best for them. Temporarily though; there's always that conflicting struggle between being tied down and realising you want this. Primarily I've found that people are quite defensive about being reliant on someone. A sign of weakness in there minds perhaps. More so the chance of getting hurt.

The three lines I wrote at the start of this piece. Which one appealed to you the most? Think about what kind of person that makes you. Are you dependent, independent or somewhere in-between?