The reality of it all - Legeriz 4

There comes a point where acceptance of the inevitable is a less painful alternative than continuing to fight a battle lost. You've experienced the very best and the very worst of a path that life could offer, and now you've reached a point where perhaps you end up feeling nothing at all. The truth is hardest to acknowledge, where pushing for something gives you the chance to relive the memories again, rather than let the dust settle and move on. It's done, things never worked out and we continued to be. 

It has been a while since I last keyed the point in my life where we had paused off. Perhaps it was something that I mentioned earlier, where I really only write when things aren't going the way I thought they would be. Drifting is a common emotion that I tend to channel, where we tend to experience a blur of moments, each day passing by as a second; as if we induced a rush to escape the moment. Distracted by all else, yet focused on one, it's quite amusing when you think of it. That we as people fail to recognise the speed of time until we reflect upon a chapter closing; then it all slows down. We hurt, embrace in the moment and then move on. Time speeds up. We're a blur again. 

The reality somehow never appealed to me. I was always a bit delusional with my view point of life, choosing to believe in the extraordinary. Defiance to common human problems was an addiction hard to beat, a chance to reflect upon as a higher power, one I feel stemmed towards megalomania rather than anything else. Hunger for the chance to be different, to not be burdened by how life could affect you. Yet we are human, and we can break. 

Controversial as this may seem, this limbo where currently my mentality exists, is quite comfortable. Think of it as a weightless experience, ethereal yet grounded. There is no significant influence on my life at this point and I remain unshackled by the opinions of others. The hardest part going forward will be to leave this place. To give in to temptation and will yourself to connect on a celestial level with someone who you find worthy. I suppose, there lies to beauty of it. The unknown has a lot to offer, but only time will decide when to invoke it. Till then I wait, a blur again as we continue to be.

The Traveller

The luminous aura of the fading sunset dipped into the shadows of the mountains as Larxan gave one final look to the scenic valley that now stood below him. There wouldn't be many travellers on this road after nightfall and the village that he had called home for the past 25 years grew silent, smoke trickling from the fires of hungry workers coming back to their families.

Greyback, his steed and companion for the last 3 years grew restless, his owner seemed unable to carry out the journey that had been planned for months. The master sighed and tugged his reins, pulling them forward into the cracked road that would be their path for the night. It had been years since he had been called to service but such was the life Larxan had chosen. Solitude and skill were two words that over the years had been brain washed into him and the 4 other souls like him. He dug his shoes into the side of Greyback's saddle, urging him to make haste for their mission was one of essence. The horse shifted from a stride to gallop, the fields blurring past them as the night swallowed the hills into darkness.

It would be midnight by the time they stopped, the aura of moonlight lighting their path to a grove where they would break for the day. Larxan unfastened the heavy saddle as his horse neighed a sign of relief, beginning to unpack the make-shift camp; light weaved through the thick redwood branches creating a spectral-light appearance. Flints were produced, and  a small fire heated the pair's meagre dinner. The chill began to settle as Larxan wrapped his weather-worn cloak around him, nestled close to the burning embers that grew whiter in the night. The sound of shuffled footsteps drew near.

The figure approached, taller than most, his shrouded face slowly unveiled by the now white hot ash of the previously roaring fire. The man gestured to the ground next to Larxan, indicative of sharing the space for the night; Larxan scowled but relented, offering the man the remnants of Greyback's meal. The stranger broke into a crooked smile, his wrinkled face excited by the prospect of food. "Crodeus", the man barked, before wolfing down the meal.

"Haven't met too many travellers on this path of late", Crodeus grunted, focused on consuming the scrap of foods now lodged between his grimy nails, "City folk mainly take the road past Harshmollow Creek to avoid the wolves that roam these parts". "That's a fine beast you have there", he motioned to Greyback who clearly seemed feral to the newcomer; "Bet he'd fetch a pretty penny over in Sardonia".

"Is that so?" Larxan questioned,  ignoring the latter comment and speaking for the first time since the two met, "And then where do you fit in?", his voice unforgiving in the night air. The stranger seemed not to take offence and prattled on, pleased in his own mind that this fool had stopped, already envisioning the gold he'd receive for Greyback after plundering the person who offered him his meal. "I am what you would call an acquirer, I take what is owed to me". He motioned Larxan to the glistening dagger that was neatly hidden in his robe fold.

Larxan seemed unperturbed by the weapon,"People are always fighting for what is not. Wars fought for land that belonged to others, blood shed for women and gold, champions battling to defend their title. There was a time when good and evil attacked with honour. Virtue held in the days of old. Time has changed sadly; there are those like you, parasites who prey on weak and scavenge the good", his voice held steady despite the rapid pace of delivery. The man with the dagger seemed irked, word stung more than blades. A broken smile appeared on his scarred face momentarily as he lunged at Larxan.

A glimpse of silver was all the warning that Crodeus was given before 12 inches of steel burrowed through his jaw killing him instantly. The man was dead before he collapsed onto the ground, blood darkening the earth, soaking into the grass now wet with dew. Larxan unhinged his blade from the figure, wiping it down on the wet grass before attaching his saddle. The horse seemed indifferent by the deadman, a sight that had been common over the years he had been with Larxan.

It was cold now, the fog swallowing the two as they drifted into the distance leaving behind the man that had been alive only moments before. A cloak preserved the now motionless body as a single note lay arched onto it. Figures shifted in the bushes, their paws wet from the mountain run, hungry for the dinner that had been provided. The moonlight glistened softly, shedding light onto the viscous ruby blood, as the letters on the parchment began to glow...

2016

Shower and shaved, his hair gelled back into large waves that only highlighted his features, he sat; crisp white shirt barely phased by the oakwood chair as he browsed through his memories so neatly arranged by the glowing screen in front of him. This day was particularly special to him; he remembered it so clearly the last time it came down.

A familiar feeling came over him; verity. Instincts had guided him to do what needed to be done, but body and mind were in conflict as decisions that were set in stone were foresaken and choices were made, coins were flipped. However the year had been kind; it had forgiven him for the paths that had been taken and he had been rewarded for his solitude; perhaps not in the way one would expect but exemplary regardless. A shiver ran down his spine as he wiped his screen; a blank page in front of him, the cursor blinking. The first word was hardest but the rest flowed through as a memory that had built up over time. This is his tale 

The year brought with it pain,

Flesh was inflicted and memories were tortured,

The year brought with it happiness, 

Realisation gave people hope,  

Love came from avenues unexpected, 

Where betrayal was shown by areas unheard of, 

This year friends changed hands, 

A barter never spoken off but realised all the same,

People were met, and people were forgotten,

This year brought mistakes, 

You and I both know where we fucked up,

But we also know how we grew, 

Acceptance was a big part of this,

This year brought chances, 

Foolish ones but taken regardless, 

And for once... 

Perhaps things may work out.

He smiled as his phone flashed light blue. It was time to go out and celebrate. The cloudless night brought with it serenity as he lifted his jacket on, eager to bring in what was bound to be the next step in an exciting adventure. He smirked, an expression so familiar yet so heartwarmingly unique, as he closed the chapter onto another year. 

Orbit - Legeriz 3

"Few people in the world have the ability to realise their existence as time announces it. Even less can truly learn to understand it..."

He stared across the dimly lit apartment; spotless aside from the remnants of his previous meal lazily left on the hardwood table. He smirked, a muscle memory of sorts as his memory flashed back to the evening a few hours ago. "Your smile has something evil about it", they had teased. Truth, he did hide behind his glacial expressions, emotions buried deep down attributed to what was on his mind at that time. 

The sky had begun to lighten. A sign of another late night taken too far. He couldn't help it though. It was the life he had chosen for now. A decision for the future, paid for by the present. He stretched, tired bones cracking due to the sudden cold. Perhaps it was time for bed. 

Weeks had past. His pace quickened as his eyes trained themselves onto the frozen leaves. The morning dew had frozen beautifully onto the still coloured oak. Sun shining, his breath misted as he approached the nearby station. Mornings were the hardest part of the day. Until he reached he was a blur of energy and stress, fuelled by will and caffeine alike. So much to do, so little time, he chuckled to himself. 

Grey sofa's seemed so comforting to him. "Wake up! She playfully announced as he seemed to be drifting off mid conversation". Apologies were of course due as this wasn't the first time this had happened. His brown eyes stared endearingly at her. She seemed to understand and let it ago, a leniency he did not deserve but wanted. "What's new with you?" he asked, a question he could have answered himself a few years ago, but time had robbed some of the bond they had once shared. The busy streets flashed red by the cars moving on outside. it was the first of many weekends to come like this. Things needed to change.

The summer sun shined its light onto the early gym enthusiasts. Music drowned his accelerating heartbeat as he worked away the morning tiredness with self-inflicted pain. His mind trailed off to the gym tv's and he nearly crashed onto himself on the treadmill. A nice cup of coffee was definitely called for. Today was going to be another good day he silently announced to himself. As if onlookers didn't already think he was already crazy enough for singing along to his spotify playlist. 

Bubbles danced on the champagne flutes as he placed two plates down upon the wooden patio furniture. "Since when did you have time to cook?" she questioned confusingly staring down at the beautiful plate of food, a concept most people around him knew was a rarity in itself. "Since I made it a priority", he smilingly answered back. Lazy rays of light lit up the dark balcony and they looked down at the children playing in the verandah below. Maybe this life wasn't so bad, he thought to himself. 

Years had past. Grey hair lined the arches of his temples although time seemed to have left his face untouched. He smirked as he looked upon the dark glass walls. It had been a while since he had had a night like this. Many a year ago he accepted, when things were perhaps harder than they were meant to be. Now life seemed almost automatic. Almost as if it were in orbit. He yawned as the sky begun to lighten... and cycle started once more. 

Lighthouse - Legeriz 2

A hill. Silent and in the distance. Meadows. Encircling the centre. The horizon. Crashing into the landscape. A man. Standing in the distance. Paralysed. Gravity crashing upon him.

She lazed back into lush green grass as the sun warmed her alabaster skin. Sketch book in hand her mind drifted into the pretty picture she had spent the afternoon crafting. People walked past, laughter echoing into the distance as they got further and further and then louder as the cycle repeated itself. What was she thinking of again? Oh yes, how nice things were right now.  

The wind chimed past her auburn hair. Whispers of nature, devoid of technology. Something mankind had yet to find a way to replicate. She sat up to enjoy it further, her eyes momentarily resting on the child smiling with his parents up ahead. Ice cream cone dripping as his mother carefully wiped his now chocolate covered mouth, he seemed irritated by the affection, clearly a desire to play. She smiled as the child pulled his parents towards the swings. Her attention turned to what she drawn. 

A green hill blossomed from the boundaries of the pages. A shaded figure looked directly at her. The girl in the book scared her. She smiled as her creation smiled back. Her reflection so perfectly captured and yet missing something. The girl picked up her sketch-pen, face scowling as she added in the final details. "There! Perfect"

The lights flickered, revealing how much the disease had taken from her. Her hospital room lay adorned from wall to wall with pictures. The monitor beeped, stable for now yet the spikes had been more frequent lately. Her eyes rested upon the drawing at the very edge of the room. She felt tired. Perhaps it was time for bed. The girl on the hill smiled back her. Her mouth covered in chocolate as she dragged her parents to the swings. The beeps began to accelerate...

SS.10 Recourse

The following pieces are a reflection of the experience both I and those around me have encountered. This 10 part series brings with it an attachment to a part of life built upon by a significant human emotion.

Disclaimer: The series is based loosely on sketches of random events. In no way is it meant to represent a factual life.

Song of Choice - "Millionaire" - Cash Cash

"You were given the chance to live a different life. A chance to be remembered. Yet you threw it away..."

There's a part of you that wants it all. The fame, money, love; the chance to cement yourself in a legacy that is spared by the ravages of time. 

There's a part of you that wants happiness. A life perhaps not so lavish but one worth remembering. Memories held by others that kept you alive in their minds. 

There's a part of you that wants it to end. To be rid of the responsibilities, dilemmas and struggles that lie both in the present and future.   

He enjoyed it. The allure of mystery that emanated. Who is he? What do you know about him? What do people say? 

Life was simple. Moulded by his desire and fuelled by the ability to act upon it. His likes, a fraction of what the world could offer, yet he took pride in the exclusivity of his enjoyment. This was his domain. His friends, a circle narrowed so tight it seemed impossible to fail. Failure would not be tolerated. Yet it was imminent. 

People drifted in and out of his life; almost a passé. The few who stayed, he grew bored. To him effort was a chore for the other side. Pragmatic at the very least, but effective in showcasing how grounded his views were. There was no room for new, there was no room to do anything that was perhaps different. 

Yet he joined the ranks of hundreds of thousands like him. Dreamers in reality, yet drained of the full circle of capability needed to bring visions to life. As time served its role, the dreams began to fade and reality gripped the ignorance that would soon lead to pain of every sorts. Mistakes were made and egos were beaten. Yet life can't be so cruel, can it? 

Links were restored and a second chance bestowed. This 'alternate life' you speak of may not be so bad. Balance was restored as people would say? However, natures are hard to change aren't they? 

He was happy. Happy in his own world, happy to lash out at whoever he wished, happy to live the way he always wanted to live. Milestone to milestone, each goal etched through. And perhaps that was the way it was meant to be. There would be no surprise ending. This was a path that wasn't meant to change. It was always and forever, constant. 

*This marks the concluding piece in The Reflection Series. Part 9 will remain unpublished as a request by the individual it resonates with. The author hopes that you have enjoyed reading*

Memories - Legeriz 1

She smiled. Coffee mug nestled in the folds of her hands as she gazed over the arched window that lit up the pale bedroom with pouring moonlight. Curtains drawn as her eyes hungrily looked onto the riverside that drifted along by her, still dimly visible by the cold ebony street lights that illuminated the narrow passage way.

Her breath misted up the cold glass as a shiver went down her spine. A bit early for winter she thought, but never too early, as she slipped on her satin robe. The shadowed individuals dancing in the virgin snowfall outside seem unaffected by the cold. The man, heavily scarfed and adorned in a suede trenchcoat seemed to be enjoying himself as his partner shyly kept her eyes on the ground below, careful not to trod onto his feet. She was perhaps taken aback by how different the night had turned out from the one she had perceived it to be. "You won't hurt me, Kairi", he snickered as she turned her view back towards him. She blushed, colour flooding her porcelain face as the man brought his closer to hers.

A perfect moment. The figure in the window continued to look down at the couple dance, her eyes though remained focused on the girl. Kairi looked up and for a moment their gaze met. She smiled at the figure, while the figure smiled back, her view unbroken as she continued to dance. Brown eyes stared back into brown as the familiar face looked on. Decades had passed yet the face in the window seemed unaffected by the ravages of time. The man brought her eyes back to his, fear and confusion swept across his face as he noticed the tears that trickled down Kairi's cheeks. She continued to smile.

The girl in the window had disappeared and a familiar sensation of emptiness seemed to encapsulate Kairi. It wasn't the cold, yet the chill of the night ending had begun to settle in. She continued to dance, fiercely determined to hold on. The moon had reached its zenith and light flooded through the streets. The figure had returned to bed, circular glasses lay precariously placed on top of her coffee mug. Next to it a familiar photo of the couple dancing on a night nearly identical to this.

Out on the street the night wind swept through, autumn leaves strewn aside. The path lay bare, footsteps hadn't graced it for several years now. The girl began to drift off into a dreamless sleep. Her fingertips instinctively reaching out for the photograph besides her. Scribbled neatly into the dark wood frame, she found what she always looked for.

"To Kairi,

Who made the night young again

                                   With Love,"

And then, the memory ended.