The following pieces are a reflection of the experience both I and those around me have encountered. This 10 part series brings with it an attachment to a part of life built upon by a significant human emotion.
Disclaimer: The series is based loosely on sketches of random events. In no way is it meant to represent a factual life.
It's been over 2 weeks since I've been back here in sweltering Dubai. Things have changed it's nice to see. Secrets were revealed, promises were broken and waiting games were played. The usual haha. I told you right? I'd stop trying... Can you blame a guy for wanting more? Not quite but then again it was always a gamble; one that I've always played, and always lost.
It's like a cycle isn't it? The same old stories, different people. Tied by emotions that run deep. Sister of mine, you perhaps were the smartest of them all "Why bother with people who won't give back what you're willing to give; it's a two way effort right?" Break out of this endless cycle that you're in. Your mistakes are your own for a reason. It's cause you chose to let them be. Rather than that, maybe it's time to leave.
- The following memory flashes revolve around a cycle of mine. One that I find looking back, happy to have broken.
Soft laughter.
Cinema lights dimmed. Phone buzzes. Unknown number.
"Act surprised tomorrow. They're coming over for your birthday"
Confusion? Mother clearly not pleased.
*Scene Shifts*
Editorial piece. Phone flashes.
Why'd you block me?
I saw no reason to keep you around.
Still mad about that whole birthday thing? Not really haha, I'd need to care for that.
Listen man I'm sorry.
*Internal debates*
Alright haha, don't give me another reason to hate you.
*Scene Shifts*
Public humiliation. Standard from him.
What I couldn't pass a test? Talk the talk but won't walk the walk. Oh social media is clearly the best place to chat about it. After all he was untouchable; for now. I mean I wore shorts for christ sake.
Anger. Immense. The next day brings with it clear hell.
He was there, fuelling the fire like usual. No not the one I'm talking about. Someone else. A story for another time.
*Scene Shift*
Confusion about words spoken. Maybe he'd know.
Hey man. You free to Skype for a bit? There's something I need to talk to you about.
So what do you think? Here's my side of the story.
Don't worry. I'll speak to him
Phone buzzes.
Keep our arguments to yourself. This isn't something for you to concern others with. He walked in laughing about the whole thing.
Once again, stupidity. My stupidity.
*Scene Shift*
Durham mornings. Snapchats having a field day.
Another insult. Typical. Not again though.
Stay out of my life. I'm not scared of you anymore. I've got people who can guide me when I'm wrong. You aren't welcome anymore.
- I told you right. It's a cycle you place yourself in. Repetition, even pain breeds familiarity, and familiarity is a different kind of comfort. It's mutually exclusive I'd say. Yet I did say. There's only so much I can take. I mean after a while, it's clear that I'm the one who's constantly falling. As much as I like getting hurt, there's a point where you stop.
Don't get me wrong, everything can heal. Yet for now, the part I've played is done; the rest is always up to you.
Disclaimer: The series is based loosely on sketches of random events. In no way is it meant to represent a factual life.
It's been over 2 weeks since I've been back here in sweltering Dubai. Things have changed it's nice to see. Secrets were revealed, promises were broken and waiting games were played. The usual haha. I told you right? I'd stop trying... Can you blame a guy for wanting more? Not quite but then again it was always a gamble; one that I've always played, and always lost.
It's like a cycle isn't it? The same old stories, different people. Tied by emotions that run deep. Sister of mine, you perhaps were the smartest of them all "Why bother with people who won't give back what you're willing to give; it's a two way effort right?" Break out of this endless cycle that you're in. Your mistakes are your own for a reason. It's cause you chose to let them be. Rather than that, maybe it's time to leave.
- The following memory flashes revolve around a cycle of mine. One that I find looking back, happy to have broken.
Soft laughter.
Cinema lights dimmed. Phone buzzes. Unknown number.
"Act surprised tomorrow. They're coming over for your birthday"
Confusion? Mother clearly not pleased.
*Scene Shifts*
Editorial piece. Phone flashes.
Why'd you block me?
I saw no reason to keep you around.
Still mad about that whole birthday thing? Not really haha, I'd need to care for that.
Listen man I'm sorry.
*Internal debates*
Alright haha, don't give me another reason to hate you.
*Scene Shifts*
Public humiliation. Standard from him.
What I couldn't pass a test? Talk the talk but won't walk the walk. Oh social media is clearly the best place to chat about it. After all he was untouchable; for now. I mean I wore shorts for christ sake.
Anger. Immense. The next day brings with it clear hell.
He was there, fuelling the fire like usual. No not the one I'm talking about. Someone else. A story for another time.
*Scene Shift*
Confusion about words spoken. Maybe he'd know.
Hey man. You free to Skype for a bit? There's something I need to talk to you about.
So what do you think? Here's my side of the story.
Don't worry. I'll speak to him
Phone buzzes.
Keep our arguments to yourself. This isn't something for you to concern others with. He walked in laughing about the whole thing.
Once again, stupidity. My stupidity.
*Scene Shift*
Durham mornings. Snapchats having a field day.
Another insult. Typical. Not again though.
Stay out of my life. I'm not scared of you anymore. I've got people who can guide me when I'm wrong. You aren't welcome anymore.
- I told you right. It's a cycle you place yourself in. Repetition, even pain breeds familiarity, and familiarity is a different kind of comfort. It's mutually exclusive I'd say. Yet I did say. There's only so much I can take. I mean after a while, it's clear that I'm the one who's constantly falling. As much as I like getting hurt, there's a point where you stop.
Don't get me wrong, everything can heal. Yet for now, the part I've played is done; the rest is always up to you.
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