Fight

To not give up? 

Stand 

Rise 

Grow 

It's been another whirlwind of a year. We've all changed a bit as individuals and in a way it's nice to reflect on how much has been achieved and the memories that have been created. Someday I'd like to look back on these days and accept the joy and pain that came with each day's past, knowing that they made my journey all the more worth it. 

Getting back to the topic at hand. It's become human nature in recent years, especially with the younger generation, to needlessly cut-off that which poses a threat to them. Be it relationships, work, responsibilities or anything that seems to be overly difficult or hurtful during that period of their life. In fact, this behaviour is encouraged and almost idolised as people divert their daily challenges on accounts of individuality or 'recognising' their alternative skill sets. True, they quote it as 'a waste of time' to pursue something they feel is worthless further, but does that make it worth giving up? 

There has to be a reason why that part of your life existed in the first place right? Better times, success after a day's hard work and the memories you've created are not something you can always cut off and throw away. They stick to you like glue and sometimes, though by no mean do I suggest this the norm, they're worth fighting for. 

You'll see it everywhere. People simply abandoning the goals they set themselves. When you build yourself in an idealistic vision, I'd rather fail trying to get their and achieve semi-greatness than to simply give up and wonder "what if?". 

For a while now I've been trying to think of how best to describe at what stage I'm right now in my life. There was a time when I thought simply cutting away that and those who hurt you would make you a stronger individual. Perhaps, haha I was wrong. I know now that it's not how capable you are of recognising a lost cause and letting it go but also about how much of an effort you put into saving something that you once cared about. It's always going to be a struggle to try and fix what won't but you'd be surprised by how much you can learn through that struggle. 

Not sure why this might be of importance to you, or anybody who's reading this. I created this as a platform to think and yet I find myself drawing on it more as a timeline, capturing the various elements that made up my life. It must be nice though, to have something to remember. 

Strange. I actually stayed on topic this time. Oh I'd you guys to meet Tim. He's the one in dark blue.

  

Rhythm

Life is a pattern if you look at it carefully. There are periods of turmoil followed by that unusual feeling of relief which usually leads onto building anticipation and ends with the cycle repeating itself. Nice part about a pattern is that you can predict it, and with a little bit of luck, control how it flows.

It's been a while since I've written, but sitting here in the U1 with a seat reserved for this cupcake I'm getting for a friend, I thought it'd be a nice opportunity to get back. Funny how the weirdest of things can bring back what you may have once lost. Looks like my cupcake may have to give up its seat at this rate. Thankfully British people are too polite to ask me to move. Thought so. Moving on.

Right getting back to to the whole rhythm thing. So term three everyone seems to resort into a pattern of stress that slowly builds up as the days count down, followed by a brief period of unsolicited panic and finally guilt for having wasted some of that precious revision time. It hurts when you think about it, how little things that keep bouncing across your mind can infuriate you to such an extent. Is it though, something that you can change?

So this year academic 2014/2015 I've had one mild panic attack, a bit of a nervous breakdown over a website crash ( I mean I lost a year and a half of work ) and one big argument (wasn't that fun). Strangely though, this has been the mildest year for me. Admitting what's happened takes great strength I feel; admitting anything bad about yourself in my opinion. We all stress, worry and have a bit of a edgy situation, but does that actually mean we can't control it? Whoever said mind over matter must have been on so much ecstasy that he didn't mind the matter. Still, we're all still here, still standing and still fighting for a better future, bit like a rhythm.

What people don't get is that stress needs an outlet, and the more it builds up, the more you need to let go. For me that involves running for hours on end while simultaneously fist bumping the air as I rock out, much to the discomfort of passerbys who think I'm having multiple seizures. Stop staring at me you old folk! I'm not going to attack. Point is that you need some means of calming down and usually that's difficult to do. Being here at university, a majority of us tend to make friends with those who do the same course as we do. However when everyone you know around is worrying about the same thing, maybe it's better to find a bit of a different group for the time being. I really don't want to discuss past-papers when we go out for drinks and I don't think you'd want to either.

You know it's funny, I always start of my articles of with a general intention of keeping it as general as possible. Yet somehow it winds down into what's been happening lately. It's like the pattern I never intended... almost as if life was set on repeat. (Visualise giant red repeat button)

Discipline

Life's too short to not have focus. It's always lost opportunity that we seem to think about and not what we've achieved.

I should have pursued my art.
Done more than study.
Gone a bit crazy once in a while.

Regret brings with it a murky haze of self-doubt and we don't need more of that in our lives. What we do need though is something to focus on. A 'list for life' as I like to think of it. Where do I want to be in 2, 5, 10 years time? What have I done to achieve my goals? Do I even enjoy what I'm doing right now?

It always happens wherein after a period of time you feel as if your life is in a rut, stagnating from all ends and you're getting suffocated in. Break those barriers you've built around you and make the change that you hoped would happen. Daring to dream never hurt nobody. We all have aspirations we'd like to see fulfilled and planning to achieve them is the first step to make.

These last ten weeks in University have been a bit chaotic. I reconnected with the fun I thought I had lost, found difference in normality and in the process fell down a lot more than I realised. It hurt, in fact I'm glad it did, but it also made me realise that trying to change yourself will definitely not be a walk in the park.

People always look around each other before making the first judgement on their own lives. A 'reference point' for individuality as I like to think of it. We all want what others have, after all we're just as capable so why shouldn't we be given the chance? The thing is you don't simply pick up an instrument and begin to play. You practise, and for that it takes discipline.

Breaking the skies

We all matter right? We all have a purpose, one that destined us to exist? We all want to the break through the skies and reach the heavens... but what if that doesn't come?

The end comes too soon

Like dreaming of angels

And leaving without them 

Being as in love with you as I am

Thoughts. Words in your heads that intertwine emotions. Can we separate the two or are they more connected than we think. Are we clouded by anger, rage, happiness, desire and passion? 

To succeed is to bring a new challenge worth fighting for. What do we do when we don't know what our challenge is, or how to beat it? Do we wander waiting for a chance? Or is it worth falling to take a risk at flight?

This week has been hard. There comes a point when you are your greatest opponent and beating what you've done seems to be the only goal that lies ahead. You know then that you're on the brink of reaching what few people have; a chance to make a difference. When you cut away the competition of those around you, and focus on yourself, you build a perfect guide in life. One that grows with you and works harder as you try to beat it. You find yourself isolated in the desire to challenge what you want out of life and the more you push the stronger you create your opponent self to be. 

People always ask you what do you want to do with your life. I want to break the skies.

Differences

So many meanings, so many sides, yet does it matter that we're all a bit different?

People talk. I know as well as you do that at the end of the day your last impression will be the topic of discussion for everyone you may know. Now it's not like your life is that interesting but words have a funny way of making them seem so. Your actions define you up to the point of your last encounter and views change as if broken in an instant. Do people still hold onto the perception of what you were or could a few changes shift it all. Does it really matter if we seem a bit 'different'?

Change is inevitable but recognising a person for who they truly are matters the most. You could listen to every misguided view by those around you and build your choices based on their views; but wouldn't that make you a puppet to others opinions? Advice is useful but identity is something you create, not others for you.

Summers are always funny for me although I'd rather not say why. They're more of a reminder of the reason behind most of my choices. It's quite hard to be consciously aware of yourself as an individual though it is definitely something I'm grateful for. Most people don't really consider their views before claiming them as their own. Remember though, that once you create that perception it's very hard to break it from your head. You need to be able to let go once in a while, despite how difficult it may be.

I used to hold on so much to what I thought people could be. There was always this desire to see someone in the brightest of lights, envisioning them as an ideal rather than the reality that stood before me. Guess that made me a dreamer of sorts; forgive, forget and move on was a mantra at one point. Then life took over and after countless falls and nobody to pick me up, it seemed as if I was pretty much on my own in this big world of ours. So I held my ground for once and decided that this was my choice and I could change it if I wanted to.

There are people out there who are always going to see you as a tool. Someone to use? A person who won't say no? Friends till there's no worth anymore? When have you done something for someone without thought of gain? Given back more than what was worth?

So many mistakes, so many successes and yet so much doubt. We are after all human aren't we? Guess some of us are just a bit different?

When did we suddenly grow up?

Warning - Reading of this post may potentially waste away 5 minutes of your precious day filled with stuff which you planned on doing but probably will end up cancelling.

Okay so once again I've been feeling the mood to write so I thought why not tackle a little issue that I'm sure a few people have been feeling lately or least are itching to talk about. The past few weeks back home in Dubai and this last year in general has been a bit of an eye-opener for me. I got more interested in job applications than what my juniors were doing, swapped day long naps with an evenly (read 'evenly') balanced scheduled and weirdly enough stopped caring so much what some people thought of me. Arguments over stupid things seemed like an irritation that I'd rather avoid and in all honesty I got bored quite fast of what the entire world was up to. When on Earth did I ever start self-reflecting? God knows but I kinda like it. Anyway getting back to point of the ever impending change of our teenage lives.

I'm probably being a hypocrite for writing this but then, it's my blog so what are you going do? Still writing helps me think clearly so I felt it useful that I at least give this piece a shot.

So now for the few of you out there who are like me and seem to find life amidst transition what exactly are you feeling? To me growing up meant the freedom to leave the house at 1:30 in the morning, drive really fast to the beach and just sit down and stare at the ocean. Now typically you'd need a set of extraordinarily trusting parents and a car with an amazing sound system to basically blast your music into. It also meant the change of actually knowing what was right and wrong when it came to making decisions. I started trusting my instincts more and knew that the opinions I held, flawed to say the very least, were at least honest based on how I felt. Focus became an important issue and I desired to take more of life in rather than aimlessly watch the days fly by. True my daily routine got hectic, tiring and I often felt overworked, but I loved every sweat inducing moment of it.

In all honesty I wrote this post to challenge the minds of those who may be still within that cycle of leaving a part of their lives behinds and beginning a new one. What do you feel you need to give up? What exactly brought you down? Did the things you did matter so much?

So a friend of mine lately brought up this rather disturbing piece of news that I won't get into but it somehow drifted towards me turning 20 in a few months time. Now most people are genuinely terrified about entering a new era of their lives but to me it weirdly seems like a welcome change right now. Maybe it's because when I look back at the past 19 years of my life, the problems I've faced, the person I used to be and genuinely what I've become I can confidently say, at least to myself, childhood well spent.

Now if you can give me a chance to go through a bit of a memory trip, I have a little challenge for you. Take out a little piece of paper and jot down the numbers 10 - 19 on it. For each year write down one defining moment in your life be it good or bad and appreciate the fact that you're still standing after all of it. If you can do that, then trust me when I say this, it's going to be alright. For the younger ones, try and fill up till the point where you are right now and aim to fill each remaining space with a memory that actually will withstand the passage of time. For you, the greatest gift of all is what can be.

Well that's probably all I have to talk about right now. I mean it's not much but I kinda like how my thoughts seem to spell themselves out into words. It seems to make everything, a lot more human...

Till next time.

The Brilliance of Life, Understanding it... and other Shenanigans

I seem to enjoy posting at the most awkward of times it seems like. I mean practically most of you must be in hibernation mode with your nose stuffed into books as if they were providing you with life giving oxygen. Still it's been a while so I thought why not. Since the final term of university is upon us and with year one coming to a close I thought I'd look back at some of the things I've learnt and draw upon why they mattered.

For starters, I know for sure that this year I lost nearly half of my high-school friends to the unfortunate passage of time which slowly eroded any relationship that I might have had with them throughout our teenage life. It seemed saddening at first but then I realised that it was a necessary change to occur. We as individuals don't realise that sometimes we make friends to maintain the social convenience rather than actual mutual interest with each other. The so called 'gangs' we had as teenagers seems as if a thing of the past. Truth be told there was a lot of tension within those gangs and it seemed natural that after a while the ties which held us together slowly started to fade as we realised the insignificance of them. What was that irritating line in frozen ? Right 'It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small'. So with all of us so far away, the stress of trying to always fix things didn't come to me and I felt liberated by the fact that if things were meant to happen this way... then they happened for a reason. Not that I don't miss each and everyone of them though, the friends I made in highschool were a great bunch so it does sting that we've grown so far apart.

Making temporary snow cones - Like a boss

Another thing I feel I must point out is that university is a lot about balance. Honestly this lesson took way too long to learn but it felt good when I eventually did. I mean in all honesty it's all about bringing as much of your life's old routine back into your university life. Be it as simple as a game of football with your friends, or waking up early enough to actually have breakfast and lunch. Balance is an important part of our life even if we don't realise it. Bring back what was once good for you, take on those that improve you and discard those that don't. Most importantly I finally found a place where I can truly relax and feel as if I'm not simply living in a place that I'm here for temporarily but rather the potential for a permanent home. In all honesty I did rob that last line from one of my history lectures wherein the countries that the British invaded either prospered or collapsed depending on whether or not the migrants wanted to settle or simply rob the place of its resources. Funny how education comes up in the weirdest of places

Finally I felt humbled for the first time in my life to be a part of something so large and brilliant. University truly gives you the channel within which you can witness the world from a safe haven. Honestly I can come across as cocky, arrogant and even downright crude sometimes, but I'm learning to change, and one of the most important factors that caused that it is realisation that without the desire to improve, you're always going to be bested by others who do. You can sit on your laurels of the past and gloat about your glory days, but I'd much rather fall down multiple times, dust myself off and get right back up and face any challenge. Whether through life's successes, or personal development in the case of me, humility through gain and most of all a desire to keep fighting, this is a journey that I have yet to even reach the fork roads of. 

What I do believe though is that there's a lot more left to learn and I plan on cherishing every moment of it that I can. Summer is nearly here and there's a lot left to do. Till then...