When did we suddenly grow up?

Warning - Reading of this post may potentially waste away 5 minutes of your precious day filled with stuff which you planned on doing but probably will end up cancelling.

Okay so once again I've been feeling the mood to write so I thought why not tackle a little issue that I'm sure a few people have been feeling lately or least are itching to talk about. The past few weeks back home in Dubai and this last year in general has been a bit of an eye-opener for me. I got more interested in job applications than what my juniors were doing, swapped day long naps with an evenly (read 'evenly') balanced scheduled and weirdly enough stopped caring so much what some people thought of me. Arguments over stupid things seemed like an irritation that I'd rather avoid and in all honesty I got bored quite fast of what the entire world was up to. When on Earth did I ever start self-reflecting? God knows but I kinda like it. Anyway getting back to point of the ever impending change of our teenage lives.

I'm probably being a hypocrite for writing this but then, it's my blog so what are you going do? Still writing helps me think clearly so I felt it useful that I at least give this piece a shot.

So now for the few of you out there who are like me and seem to find life amidst transition what exactly are you feeling? To me growing up meant the freedom to leave the house at 1:30 in the morning, drive really fast to the beach and just sit down and stare at the ocean. Now typically you'd need a set of extraordinarily trusting parents and a car with an amazing sound system to basically blast your music into. It also meant the change of actually knowing what was right and wrong when it came to making decisions. I started trusting my instincts more and knew that the opinions I held, flawed to say the very least, were at least honest based on how I felt. Focus became an important issue and I desired to take more of life in rather than aimlessly watch the days fly by. True my daily routine got hectic, tiring and I often felt overworked, but I loved every sweat inducing moment of it.

In all honesty I wrote this post to challenge the minds of those who may be still within that cycle of leaving a part of their lives behinds and beginning a new one. What do you feel you need to give up? What exactly brought you down? Did the things you did matter so much?

So a friend of mine lately brought up this rather disturbing piece of news that I won't get into but it somehow drifted towards me turning 20 in a few months time. Now most people are genuinely terrified about entering a new era of their lives but to me it weirdly seems like a welcome change right now. Maybe it's because when I look back at the past 19 years of my life, the problems I've faced, the person I used to be and genuinely what I've become I can confidently say, at least to myself, childhood well spent.

Now if you can give me a chance to go through a bit of a memory trip, I have a little challenge for you. Take out a little piece of paper and jot down the numbers 10 - 19 on it. For each year write down one defining moment in your life be it good or bad and appreciate the fact that you're still standing after all of it. If you can do that, then trust me when I say this, it's going to be alright. For the younger ones, try and fill up till the point where you are right now and aim to fill each remaining space with a memory that actually will withstand the passage of time. For you, the greatest gift of all is what can be.

Well that's probably all I have to talk about right now. I mean it's not much but I kinda like how my thoughts seem to spell themselves out into words. It seems to make everything, a lot more human...

Till next time.

Emotions - Do they matter?

Human beings are a complex species. We have no superior attributes that make us defining creatures and yet here we stand on the brink of reality pounded by reasoning behind our place here on this planet. It's strange when you think of it how we are one of the few inhabiting this place who actually feel inner pain. Emotions dominate our every step of existence and we often tend to mentally define ourselves based on how we feel. We judge, critique, and compare our perceptions of others in a way that seems crude and unworthy of our mental capabilities. Does it make sense to justify why we do what we sometimes? I wouldn't know; after all I'm only human.

These past few weeks have helped me reflect upon my past and the actions I've taken that have led me here. Having never been able to fully express myself I contained and confide my inner thoughts during earlier years, letting in only the closest of my companions. Here at university the inhibition to contain my personality didn't seem pressing enough to warrant the need for emotional control. I feel I grew a bit too careless and suffered the imminent consequences. True it did make me realise the downfall of fully expressing myself but I have learnt from my mistakes and will therefore never do so again.

Is life sometimes all but a game to me? The only reason we play it is to win at the end, so is the journey really that important? I sometimes think of the way I react as a game of snakes and ladders. A bad decision puts you one step down from your goal of happiness where as a good one brings you one step closer. True there are only so many bad decisions we can make before finally learning from our mistakes and moving on. In a way we evolve to reflect on our past choices as reminders of where we went wrong and how we've changed to resolve it.

I feel the more I write about it this, the more difficult it gets to express myself so this is where I decide that any more focus will only deviate this topic into disjointed thoughts. True people are given many chances to prove themselves time and again, but there will be a point sometime in the future where you'll simply give up and choose to live life outside the lines; some might say you're an observer.

In my opinion...

All work and no play makes Danz a dull boy. That's a lie, I was always dull.

Hopefully that horrible joke on me would be enough for you to forget that I haven't written in over two weeks; I've been busy okay! Still I'm here with yet another rather insignificant thought of mine, hoping that you can relate.

So lately I've been under the impression that everyone loves to get their own two-bits in. Let's face it, people love listening to themselves, so whenever they get the chance, they shove their own views and perceptions wherever they go.

Now this generally isn't a bad thing. By all means, I feel that getting advice from as many people as possible is vital for a sound decision. Still there are limits even for advice. People like to think for themselves sometimes and don't always need to be spoon-fed. In today's world with everyone telling you what to do and how to do it, I feel that in the big picture we're all a bunch of robots without individuality.

So now when is enough, enough? See, I feel that opinions are divided into two categories; the views that benefit, and the views that vent.

The views that benefit are the sincere ones made by people who have decided to take an unbiased approach to your situation and therefore are offering you advice out of genuine concern. These people weirdly enough aren't often the ones closest to you. Those people are too involved in your life to offer an unbiased decision. More often than not people listen to those they are closest to and take advice on views that have a set agenda. These people want your life to follow a path that 'they' feel is best for you, not what is best for you overall. Yes I get that this is confusing but let me ask you this, if you're a person who regularly goes to friends for advice, don't you get a bit irritated once in a while when they refuse to have an opinion that actually matters and instead they rather choose to agree with whatever you have to say. That's not advice, that's a yes-man *Movie Reference :)*

The views that vent are something you have to look out for. These are people who will take your situation and somehow change it into their own. It's like going to someone for advice about your own particular situation only to have them relent on about what happened to them. I get that experience matters, but really once in a while I'd like someone to just shut up and listen. I'm probably the biggest hypocrite for writing about this seeing I too tend to go on about my life every now and then *understatement of the year* but this is just basic advice for those that are reading this. A different kind of 'views that vent' are those which somehow seem to make any difficult situation you encounter, entirely your fault. These are the people who are of the opinion that when things go sour, you're the one to blame. Now not only is this unfair but it kinda sucks! So watch out for the ones that have always had something against you, and are waiting to stick it to you the moment a situation arises.

Wow didn't think I could actually write that much, okay no wait I did. Consider this making up for lost time seeing as I'm probably going to get super busy now that I'm leaving for university. Still this is my life, and I'm sure I'll be able to squeeze in time for this somewhere. Till then enjoy some random photo that does not even remotely go with the title, that I've grabbed from my phone :).

The Pursuit of Happiness

Been a while hasn't it? I'd say welcome back but we all know that no one is desperate enough to continue to come back to this site. So instead I'll start of with a friendly 'hello' and hope that what I'm probably going to write right now will seem interesting enough for you to spend a couple of minutes on.

So earlier this week results came out. Now these aren't your regular end of term 'next-time-I'll-do-better' results, this is the real life-deciding deal; and for many of us they weren't what we expected. So now how do we deal with that? I could stand here spouting all sorts of bull crap about how things will get better, and of how life has set you on a new better path, but we all know that I'll be wasting your time with complete and utter nonsense.

Let's face it. This sucks. Definitely if your future was suddenly taken away from you, you wouldn't want consolation. You'd want to smash things; curse the world for being cruel; maybe even go on a wild rampaging spree... anything basically besides listen to someone tell you that it's probably for the best.

As a person who's been on both sides of the roads I know how frustrating it is from either point of view. If you're the one being consoled, you're seriously considering ripping out the throat of the one consoling you. If you're the one consoling, you know that if it were you in the opposite person's position, you wouldn't even wait around to listen to your shit.

So now what? Well to me I feel there are 3 stages that people in this situation go through.

First is grief - The eternal sadness of not achieving your dreams has finally hit you. Waves of guilt, vulnerability and most of all pain overcome you. You seem lost for a few moments as you contemplate 'what now?'. The thing that hurts most probably is if you're a self conscious person like me, you will always wonder whether people will now view you as a failure. This is your biggest challenge that you'll face, and you have to overcome it if you even plan on moving on

Next is blame - You've finally accepted your current situation and now you're on the warpath looking for someone to blame for what has happened. Maybe it's your friends who insisted you keep on partying late into the night. Or your parents for taking you out constantly when you felt you should have studied. Lets be honest (say the first two words fast) you are the own freaking boss of your destiny. Do not forget that you agreed to most of these things whether knowingly or not. Call it peer pressure, family pressure or any other pressure, you gave into it rather focus on your goals and now you're paying the price. When you finally realize this, you'll seriously wish that the price wasn't so high.

Finally is revival - This stages could come frequently in-between the other two former stages, but you'll know it's real when you finally start to let go. When you decide that enough-is-enough and moping around won't help anyone, you've finally started the healing process. What is soon to follow is the desire to do better. Changes to your lifestyle could either be radical or they could be slow and progressing. Whatever they may be it is important to realize that these changes do not guarantee success in the future. They could be obliterated as you settle back into your old habits, or simply not strong enough to make a difference. However they are something you're willing to try out for the time being. Therefore you've opted to take a different path, preferably a brighter one as you move out of the shadows and back into the sunlight.

So now that I've basically written out my life-story in these few paragraphs I'm hoping you'll at least be able to relate with me and what I'm talking about. True, disappointment sucks but you're only making it worse by letting it take a hold of you. We're only human for god's sake. Mistakes are bound to happen but that doesn't me that we let them take us down. We simply get up, dust ourselves off, and get back on the trail to find happiness.

In all honesty, the 'pursuit of happiness' is a battle, and if you're not fighting, then it isn't happiness that you're looking for.

Minor Irks of Friendship...

I had two reasons for writing this post. One because I realized that writing it all out helps give me a clearer perspective of my situation, and two, because I hoped that those of you out there reading this would be able to understand what I'm feeling.

Every now and then there comes a point where one of our friends becomes a downright nuisance. You may not realize it, you may wonder how it happens but more often than not you will find yourself regretting becoming friends with that person. There's a period we go through symbolizing this where they say every action, every word spoken by that person seems to irritate the hell out of you. That individual becomes a pesky fly that you just want to swat or make it go away. The weird part is you can't ignore it since because that person is a part of your life you will, needless to say, be spending a certain amount of time with them daily. So now what? In my opinion downtime from that person I feel is the best cure. After all they do say that absence makes the heart grow fonder... Unless that person has become an absolute dick for no reason; then screw logic and chuck em like a burnt potato.

For those of you wondering where I'm going with this post, don't worry I'm not done yet (oh the joy for you). Actually I also wanted to talk about another element of this slightly toxic relationship called friendship. You'll probably be able to relate with me for this one. I'm sure for each of you at some point of time there has been a situation where someone close to you has let you down. Now I'm not talking about doing something that's a game breaker for the relationship. No I'm talking about minor disappointments, stuff the other person may have not realized but you have. Like plans you were really looking forward to being suddenly cancelled. Or wanting to meet someone after a while but the other person not giving any effort towards making that happen. Now believe me these are just thoughts of mine that seem to float about aimlessly in my head. To me they seem true but it could be a whole other reality for you. Nevertheless this is my blog, these are my words so like I enjoy saying... Deal with it.

Now you're probably wondering when I'm going to shut my trap and end this post (figuratively speaking); be patient I've only got one last thing to point out. So this is a thought that I've really been wanting to express for a while now but haven't been able to find an outlet till today. A few days ago I witnessed a scene that made me finally realize that friends can be classified into two separate categories, those who are there for you through the good and bad and those who are there to have fun... And I'm sure right after you've read that you're already classifying your current friends circle into the two groups and deciding to only keep those who will be there for you. The thing is if we did that, we'd all be left with very, very few friends. There has to be a balance of all kinds even in this case. Getting back to the original situation, a friend of mine (well actually more acquaintance than friend) recently found himself in a bad situation. Now of those who are close to him who were present with us at that time only one volunteered to help out whereas the others merely criticized the situation as a waste of their time. Wow that was a lot harder to explain than I thought it would be without actually giving away what happened. So that brought me to thinking, if I was stuck in that person's shoes, who would help me out. Now I don't mean merely provide cheer support from a distance, I mean actually getting deep into my troubles and helping me solve them. Hmm I can't seem to think of anyone. Maybe I need new friends, or maybe it's time to meet new people. *Disclaimer* To all of you out there reading this, before getting mad after reading what I may or may or not have said about you, take a deep breath and consider why this might be true.

Anyways I guess I just needed to get this all out, it's high time I started writing about what I feel, even if it is to a bunch of complete strangers... or maybe I'm retarded, yes that definitely could be an option.