When did we suddenly grow up?

Warning - Reading of this post may potentially waste away 5 minutes of your precious day filled with stuff which you planned on doing but probably will end up cancelling.

Okay so once again I've been feeling the mood to write so I thought why not tackle a little issue that I'm sure a few people have been feeling lately or least are itching to talk about. The past few weeks back home in Dubai and this last year in general has been a bit of an eye-opener for me. I got more interested in job applications than what my juniors were doing, swapped day long naps with an evenly (read 'evenly') balanced scheduled and weirdly enough stopped caring so much what some people thought of me. Arguments over stupid things seemed like an irritation that I'd rather avoid and in all honesty I got bored quite fast of what the entire world was up to. When on Earth did I ever start self-reflecting? God knows but I kinda like it. Anyway getting back to point of the ever impending change of our teenage lives.

I'm probably being a hypocrite for writing this but then, it's my blog so what are you going do? Still writing helps me think clearly so I felt it useful that I at least give this piece a shot.

So now for the few of you out there who are like me and seem to find life amidst transition what exactly are you feeling? To me growing up meant the freedom to leave the house at 1:30 in the morning, drive really fast to the beach and just sit down and stare at the ocean. Now typically you'd need a set of extraordinarily trusting parents and a car with an amazing sound system to basically blast your music into. It also meant the change of actually knowing what was right and wrong when it came to making decisions. I started trusting my instincts more and knew that the opinions I held, flawed to say the very least, were at least honest based on how I felt. Focus became an important issue and I desired to take more of life in rather than aimlessly watch the days fly by. True my daily routine got hectic, tiring and I often felt overworked, but I loved every sweat inducing moment of it.

In all honesty I wrote this post to challenge the minds of those who may be still within that cycle of leaving a part of their lives behinds and beginning a new one. What do you feel you need to give up? What exactly brought you down? Did the things you did matter so much?

So a friend of mine lately brought up this rather disturbing piece of news that I won't get into but it somehow drifted towards me turning 20 in a few months time. Now most people are genuinely terrified about entering a new era of their lives but to me it weirdly seems like a welcome change right now. Maybe it's because when I look back at the past 19 years of my life, the problems I've faced, the person I used to be and genuinely what I've become I can confidently say, at least to myself, childhood well spent.

Now if you can give me a chance to go through a bit of a memory trip, I have a little challenge for you. Take out a little piece of paper and jot down the numbers 10 - 19 on it. For each year write down one defining moment in your life be it good or bad and appreciate the fact that you're still standing after all of it. If you can do that, then trust me when I say this, it's going to be alright. For the younger ones, try and fill up till the point where you are right now and aim to fill each remaining space with a memory that actually will withstand the passage of time. For you, the greatest gift of all is what can be.

Well that's probably all I have to talk about right now. I mean it's not much but I kinda like how my thoughts seem to spell themselves out into words. It seems to make everything, a lot more human...

Till next time.

The Brilliance of Life, Understanding it... and other Shenanigans

I seem to enjoy posting at the most awkward of times it seems like. I mean practically most of you must be in hibernation mode with your nose stuffed into books as if they were providing you with life giving oxygen. Still it's been a while so I thought why not. Since the final term of university is upon us and with year one coming to a close I thought I'd look back at some of the things I've learnt and draw upon why they mattered.

For starters, I know for sure that this year I lost nearly half of my high-school friends to the unfortunate passage of time which slowly eroded any relationship that I might have had with them throughout our teenage life. It seemed saddening at first but then I realised that it was a necessary change to occur. We as individuals don't realise that sometimes we make friends to maintain the social convenience rather than actual mutual interest with each other. The so called 'gangs' we had as teenagers seems as if a thing of the past. Truth be told there was a lot of tension within those gangs and it seemed natural that after a while the ties which held us together slowly started to fade as we realised the insignificance of them. What was that irritating line in frozen ? Right 'It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small'. So with all of us so far away, the stress of trying to always fix things didn't come to me and I felt liberated by the fact that if things were meant to happen this way... then they happened for a reason. Not that I don't miss each and everyone of them though, the friends I made in highschool were a great bunch so it does sting that we've grown so far apart.

Making temporary snow cones - Like a boss

Another thing I feel I must point out is that university is a lot about balance. Honestly this lesson took way too long to learn but it felt good when I eventually did. I mean in all honesty it's all about bringing as much of your life's old routine back into your university life. Be it as simple as a game of football with your friends, or waking up early enough to actually have breakfast and lunch. Balance is an important part of our life even if we don't realise it. Bring back what was once good for you, take on those that improve you and discard those that don't. Most importantly I finally found a place where I can truly relax and feel as if I'm not simply living in a place that I'm here for temporarily but rather the potential for a permanent home. In all honesty I did rob that last line from one of my history lectures wherein the countries that the British invaded either prospered or collapsed depending on whether or not the migrants wanted to settle or simply rob the place of its resources. Funny how education comes up in the weirdest of places

Finally I felt humbled for the first time in my life to be a part of something so large and brilliant. University truly gives you the channel within which you can witness the world from a safe haven. Honestly I can come across as cocky, arrogant and even downright crude sometimes, but I'm learning to change, and one of the most important factors that caused that it is realisation that without the desire to improve, you're always going to be bested by others who do. You can sit on your laurels of the past and gloat about your glory days, but I'd much rather fall down multiple times, dust myself off and get right back up and face any challenge. Whether through life's successes, or personal development in the case of me, humility through gain and most of all a desire to keep fighting, this is a journey that I have yet to even reach the fork roads of. 

What I do believe though is that there's a lot more left to learn and I plan on cherishing every moment of it that I can. Summer is nearly here and there's a lot left to do. Till then...

In my opinion...

All work and no play makes Danz a dull boy. That's a lie, I was always dull.

Hopefully that horrible joke on me would be enough for you to forget that I haven't written in over two weeks; I've been busy okay! Still I'm here with yet another rather insignificant thought of mine, hoping that you can relate.

So lately I've been under the impression that everyone loves to get their own two-bits in. Let's face it, people love listening to themselves, so whenever they get the chance, they shove their own views and perceptions wherever they go.

Now this generally isn't a bad thing. By all means, I feel that getting advice from as many people as possible is vital for a sound decision. Still there are limits even for advice. People like to think for themselves sometimes and don't always need to be spoon-fed. In today's world with everyone telling you what to do and how to do it, I feel that in the big picture we're all a bunch of robots without individuality.

So now when is enough, enough? See, I feel that opinions are divided into two categories; the views that benefit, and the views that vent.

The views that benefit are the sincere ones made by people who have decided to take an unbiased approach to your situation and therefore are offering you advice out of genuine concern. These people weirdly enough aren't often the ones closest to you. Those people are too involved in your life to offer an unbiased decision. More often than not people listen to those they are closest to and take advice on views that have a set agenda. These people want your life to follow a path that 'they' feel is best for you, not what is best for you overall. Yes I get that this is confusing but let me ask you this, if you're a person who regularly goes to friends for advice, don't you get a bit irritated once in a while when they refuse to have an opinion that actually matters and instead they rather choose to agree with whatever you have to say. That's not advice, that's a yes-man *Movie Reference :)*

The views that vent are something you have to look out for. These are people who will take your situation and somehow change it into their own. It's like going to someone for advice about your own particular situation only to have them relent on about what happened to them. I get that experience matters, but really once in a while I'd like someone to just shut up and listen. I'm probably the biggest hypocrite for writing about this seeing I too tend to go on about my life every now and then *understatement of the year* but this is just basic advice for those that are reading this. A different kind of 'views that vent' are those which somehow seem to make any difficult situation you encounter, entirely your fault. These are the people who are of the opinion that when things go sour, you're the one to blame. Now not only is this unfair but it kinda sucks! So watch out for the ones that have always had something against you, and are waiting to stick it to you the moment a situation arises.

Wow didn't think I could actually write that much, okay no wait I did. Consider this making up for lost time seeing as I'm probably going to get super busy now that I'm leaving for university. Still this is my life, and I'm sure I'll be able to squeeze in time for this somewhere. Till then enjoy some random photo that does not even remotely go with the title, that I've grabbed from my phone :).

To New Beginnings (Part 2)

I'm going to start this week's post with a story. It is a true story but I'll be using attributes here and there from people I know.

There was once a very, very lonely boy. He spent all of his time by himself completely disconnected from the world around him. He thought he could never trust anyone around him since he was always the one getting picked on. As a result he thought he didn't require friends; he believed that people were fools if they felt that they needed others to help them get on with their lives.

The years passed on and this boy grew up lonely and miserable. His joy came from degrading others since he felt he was superior to them. He was the king of his own world yet he didn't realize that the population was only one. As the years passed his hatred was channeled towards other things. His greed to prove himself better at everything made him work harder than anyone else at everything he set his mind to. He prospered, and for a little while he was happy at the top. However, he soon realized, that when you're better than everyone else, there isn't anything left to chase after. Unhappy even with his new found success, the boy vowed to change himself.

He first tried being a person of multiple personalities. The air of mystery surrounded him and people were curious as to see who this person was. However personalities are only as good as their consistency and the constant lashing out to his friends pushed them away as he tried to once again dominate a group he felt he was better than. He didn't realize that there were aspects to life that even with all his determination he couldn't become good at. So he fought and argued and pushed those who cared for him further and further away; so much so that whatever concern his friends had for him was dissolved into a sea of hate. Clearly things weren't going the way they planned so the boy abandoned these people and chose a new group to find.

For his next attempt at climbing the social ladder, the boy chose a different route. He made a great success as a mentor to others, using his knowledge to make friends with those he felt his intellectual equals. However his jealously grew whenever he was outperformed and a rift was created that he felt wasn't worth repairing. He engaged in gossip as a hobby and found great happiness in interfering in other peoples lives. This would be okay to an extent if the reason for inquisitiveness was out of genuine concern rather than the boy's selfish desire to know more about others than everyone else did. His smug look of all-knowing was what brought fear into many of his friends who were afraid by what he could do with the information he knew about them. However, once the gossip was used up, the boy grew bored and moved onto the next group of unsuspecting individuals with a different idea as to how to be popular amongst them.

For his final try at popularity. The boy chose to be the complete opposite of the person he actually was. He tried to seem friendly and kind to those around him, and was perfectly willing to open up about his life to anyone who chose to ask him. Yet no one could actually say that they truly knew what he was thinking. Nobody could understand what sort of person the boy actually was and to an extent that intrigued those around him even more. He was mysterious, fun at sometimes, and quite appealing to anyone around him. However, there were those times when he seemed unhappy for no reason whatsoever and when questioned by his friends the boy simply blew them away telling them it was nothing at all. Now since a relationship is a give and take job, those around him were unhappy by the way they were being treated and chose to distance themselves from the boy. Depressed by how everything in his life seemed to be going wrong, the boy cursed the world for bringing this upon him and chose to simply abandon everyone and start anew.

Our story ends here.
If you're wondering what happened to the boy, twenty years down the line he was found by all three groups of his old friends and they were amazed by how he had changed. For the first time since they had known him, they found the boy happy. Genuine happiness, the kind without a single drop of greed, hatred or envy hidden underneath. When asked what brought about his drastic change he simply replied, " I stopped trying to be what others wanted me to be and simply chose to be myself".

For this story there are 8 different people I've used for inspiration. Each of them had their own personal share of demons and these have been molded into the story that I've created.

If you're wondering why I'm writing this post it's because for many of us a new year is dawning. As we know every year we promise that this one will be different. Yet halfway down the line we give up on our promises and resort back towards our old comfortable versions of ourselves. After all if change were that easy, then staying constant wouldn't be considered a word.

However, I'd like to give you a bit of advice that a lot of people have told me over the years.

Be 'humble'

There's not much more of itself I can say. Seeing as humbleness is the most difficult thing to achieve in this world, it's no wonder so many of us claim to have achieved it. Let me tell you something, if you thought to yourself after reading the above line, that you were humble, then definitely you are not.

Being humble comes without realization and it is probably one of the greatest gifts one can receive. While I am by no means an expert on this particular topic, heck I'm not even a novice, I do know what happens if you aren't humble and trust me it isn't all that great.

I wanted to write more but I think I'll stop now. Seeing as most of you probably have school the next day, I've probably made you late for your first day. Still I'm glad I could share this with you, seeing as the true significance of this post is far more than what it appears to be. Till next time.

The Fork Roads of Life

There will come a time in your life, perhaps not now or even a couple of years, but you will encounter a situation where a difficult decision has to be made, and when you do  you'd better hope to god that you've made the right now.

These decisions could be anything. However, the one thing that they will all have in common is that they will shape out a new path in your life based on the choice you make. They are those that make you look back and think, "What if I had done things differently?".

Being quite cryptic right now aren't I? I'm not sure if I am since this is usually how I tend to write a piece that I have difficulty in stringing together. It's like I want honesty but prefer the covering of falsity. Still, at least I'm making this attempt, so bear with me while I most likely make a fool out of myself writing this.

Anyways getting back to the topic of Fork Roads. You will need to make a choice and most of the time people look back with a mixture of curiosity and regret at what could have been a change in their life. I'm here to clear that feeling of doubt.

They say that when you first encounter a difficult scenario, your brain instantly registers the most desired situation acceptable and drives you towards that. However that only last for a short period of time, and the more you think about it, the bigger the worry becomes. When you make a choice, it should be one that reflects on what you feel is right to you, not anybody else around you. It is your life in reality and it is yours to choose how to live it. Let me tell you something; the person who knows you the best is YOU so it is your opinion that will matter the most to you. Do not be influenced by the words of many and forget the most important thoughts of one.

However to be completely unbiased, this scenario is quite subject to change depending on the ability of someone or something to influence your decision and give you the confidence to take a choice you were hesitant about. Still that rarely happens although think of how interesting that would be.

Yeah I may have just gone full retard with that post, so this is probably the most relatable thing you've ever read or the most useless one (I anticipate it's the latter for the most of you). Still it is my thoughts, my words and my actions, and as I've just pointed out what you say shouldn't really matter should it? After all you can be like this cat and say "Screw it".

The Pursuit of Happiness

Been a while hasn't it? I'd say welcome back but we all know that no one is desperate enough to continue to come back to this site. So instead I'll start of with a friendly 'hello' and hope that what I'm probably going to write right now will seem interesting enough for you to spend a couple of minutes on.

So earlier this week results came out. Now these aren't your regular end of term 'next-time-I'll-do-better' results, this is the real life-deciding deal; and for many of us they weren't what we expected. So now how do we deal with that? I could stand here spouting all sorts of bull crap about how things will get better, and of how life has set you on a new better path, but we all know that I'll be wasting your time with complete and utter nonsense.

Let's face it. This sucks. Definitely if your future was suddenly taken away from you, you wouldn't want consolation. You'd want to smash things; curse the world for being cruel; maybe even go on a wild rampaging spree... anything basically besides listen to someone tell you that it's probably for the best.

As a person who's been on both sides of the roads I know how frustrating it is from either point of view. If you're the one being consoled, you're seriously considering ripping out the throat of the one consoling you. If you're the one consoling, you know that if it were you in the opposite person's position, you wouldn't even wait around to listen to your shit.

So now what? Well to me I feel there are 3 stages that people in this situation go through.

First is grief - The eternal sadness of not achieving your dreams has finally hit you. Waves of guilt, vulnerability and most of all pain overcome you. You seem lost for a few moments as you contemplate 'what now?'. The thing that hurts most probably is if you're a self conscious person like me, you will always wonder whether people will now view you as a failure. This is your biggest challenge that you'll face, and you have to overcome it if you even plan on moving on

Next is blame - You've finally accepted your current situation and now you're on the warpath looking for someone to blame for what has happened. Maybe it's your friends who insisted you keep on partying late into the night. Or your parents for taking you out constantly when you felt you should have studied. Lets be honest (say the first two words fast) you are the own freaking boss of your destiny. Do not forget that you agreed to most of these things whether knowingly or not. Call it peer pressure, family pressure or any other pressure, you gave into it rather focus on your goals and now you're paying the price. When you finally realize this, you'll seriously wish that the price wasn't so high.

Finally is revival - This stages could come frequently in-between the other two former stages, but you'll know it's real when you finally start to let go. When you decide that enough-is-enough and moping around won't help anyone, you've finally started the healing process. What is soon to follow is the desire to do better. Changes to your lifestyle could either be radical or they could be slow and progressing. Whatever they may be it is important to realize that these changes do not guarantee success in the future. They could be obliterated as you settle back into your old habits, or simply not strong enough to make a difference. However they are something you're willing to try out for the time being. Therefore you've opted to take a different path, preferably a brighter one as you move out of the shadows and back into the sunlight.

So now that I've basically written out my life-story in these few paragraphs I'm hoping you'll at least be able to relate with me and what I'm talking about. True, disappointment sucks but you're only making it worse by letting it take a hold of you. We're only human for god's sake. Mistakes are bound to happen but that doesn't me that we let them take us down. We simply get up, dust ourselves off, and get back on the trail to find happiness.

In all honesty, the 'pursuit of happiness' is a battle, and if you're not fighting, then it isn't happiness that you're looking for.

The White Collar Retard

So apparently I have a job! I know it's weird to think of me all decked up (I'd go in shorts if I was allowed) and actually making a difference to the world (not so much) by doing an assortment of activities (I write questions); Okay so maybe I played it up a wee bit. Still this is my blog, so as they say in poker, 'Deal with it'. Now, onto the rather joyous/confusing post.

They say getting a job is a lot like giving away the best years of your life in exchange for a wad of cash; like a trade off or a really stressful ATM. Yet weirdly I'm having the time of my life over there and I find it incredibly humbling that my boss is kind enough to trust me with such exciting tasks. *Pardon me while I change the song on my iPhone* As I was saying, working is actually enjoyable for me. I mean I finally feel as if I have a purpose again.

A few weeks or like maybe a month ago, I wrote an article about losing your purpose. When you become a Wanderer, drifting through the tides of time till you find something to actually hold onto and call your own. Strangely I find working as my purpose (at least for now, pretty sure it's going to become hell) and so I'm immensely grateful to my rather eccentric big sister who put in the good word for me.

Getting back to work and its many challenges, I've recently come to understand that if you want to get anywhere in this world you've got to have contacts. You start out young, garnering as much exposure as you can, so that in the future should the need arise, you can call on those you impressed for help and support. True it is a dirty business, and that hardships and problems are definitely going to arise (my boss keeps trying to overfeed me :') ) but nevertheless, like Dory from Nemo said 'You just got to keep on swimming'.

I guess the only challenge I'm facing is waking up at 6a.m. I mean for a guy who spent the first month of summer waking up at 1 or 2 in the afternoon, to actually see the sunrise is a pretty daunting thing. I think I'm in love with the word 'Daunting' ever since those peeps on 'Master Chef Australia' seem to use it for literally every other thing. Convenient how I drifted off-topic the moment I started to run out of things to write.

Well in all honesty, there is a lot more that I wanted to talk about, but I feel what I have to say is best suited to my private journal. Sometimes, you need hold back for a bit, till time takes over and everything seems to blur away. Till then I guess, I'll keep waiting... and working ;). In other less exciting news, I think I'm actually learning to grow up, but we'll save that story for another time.

Big Chapters Are Sometimes Hard To Close

Been a while since I wrote a post so I thought that it'd be nice to return with a banger of a piece. Now that I've embarrassed myself by saying the word 'banger' (that and the fact that I couldn't spell embarrassed without spell-check) lets get on with what probably is going to be a sad post.

See I even give warnings before starting my piece so that at least you have a heads up for what you're probably going to get yourself into. So now that you've foolishly decided to continue reading perhaps it's time that I actually started talking about today's topic instead of dilly dallying around.

Okay so a while back I wrote a post regarding the tiny chapters in our life. The little mini memories that aren't significant enough to cause any change, but are still worth remembering. Chapters like school trips, summer memories, fights with random people... the list goes on.

However this is different. There are times when major changes occur in your life; Changes you may not expect; Changes you may not event want. Yet they will occur and when they do it's best to realize it, rather than foolishly try and fight for something that was lost long ago.

Sounding rather cryptic aren't I? Well sometimes the closer you look the less you see (Yes I ripped that line off from 'Now You See Me'). Anyways getting back to the original topic. There will be a point when you will find yourself wondering how on Earth did you end up in this situation, with the walls backed up against you and the suffocation setting it. It is at that point that you know you're done, and maybe it's time to sign off from this part of your life.

Sometimes though you don't have control of how a chapter ends. While the norm is for you to have veto power as to how and when a chapter concludes; what happens when someone shuts it for you? In most sense, I as a person know how that feels, and let me tell you, it isn't a good feeling.

Sadly what can you do? Wishing things were different probably won't help; Fighting to keep something that has already ended won't help either. In fact probably the easiest thing to do is to just let go. When you bow to the inevitable, the inevitable becomes the expectation. You knew this would happen and when it did you prepared yourself for it. Perhaps things didn't happen the way you expected them to, but they did for a reason. Now while I'm sorta insane and don't actually know what that reason is, I do know that eventually I will learn to accept it.

To round off what is sure to be either a very confusing or incredibly clear post to all of you out there, let me say this; A chapter is a chapter for a reason, when one begins to close, it signals the start of a new one. So I guess all I have to do is wait now; wait for my next chapter to start.

To apologize for the inconvenience I may have caused by depressing you with this post, here's a Pikachu eating a lollipop. Cheers! 

The Lone Ranger or The Masses of Sheep?

People don't often realize how the interactions I have with them leads me to learning a life lesson. Certain encounters that I've had have in fact taught me a lot about life. Some lessons were beneficial, others were harsh smacks of reality, but more often than not each lesson I learned would change me as an individual. However I digress from the original topic.

Every person I've met over the course of my lifetime have had different ideals, views and perspective to almost everything and anything. Now while it is true that human opinions are unique, most of the people I met could be classified into groups of individuals with similar characteristics. However there are always those rare few with viewpoints so unorthodox that they question the foundation of everything considered to be the norm. To them, their opinions are only ones they consider worth listening to. Some might say that they are selfish for not taking into consideration the views of others. However it has come to my realization that in the end it is us who makes the final decision regarding any dilemma we face with life, so shouldn't our thoughts matter the most?

Now trust me there are always exceptions to this rule. Some people are so single minded that they are blinded by the desire of others to help them out. They always consider themselves to be right no matter what the circumstances. Whether others think of them as a joke or not, they are their own boss and will fiercely stand by what they say. However their stubbornness eventually leads to their downfall. In essence these individuals are popular to a certain degree. Sadly though this popularity is not one of respect but rather of curiosity. Others are enamored by the resilience of this person who to them is a refreshing break from all the other sheep they interact with. Unfortunately their interest is no more than that of people visiting the zoo and trying to provoke the snakes with a stick. They hunger for the moment when this person finally loses his or her grip on reality and goes spiraling down into a wave of their own emotions.

What I have described in the previous paragraph is an extreme measure of one person's view on an individual's opinion. The polar opposites are in fact far more common then their counterparts. They are those who are addicted to what is considered popular by the masses. Also regarded as 'sheep' these people are always willing to bend their own opinions to suit the generally agreed view. While popular, it is quite likely that in the future, just as trends fade away, they too will not be remembered.

So now the question lies as to where some of you stand in terms of listening to others and having a voice for yourself. As with all things good and evil, tolerance is key. We should not allow what others say to hurt or influence us too greatly. Similarly we should not let wise words spoken go to waste. Each person has something to say. What matters is whether it's worth listening to or not.

Memories that haunt you... And why overthinking SUCKS!

Okay so before I get knee-deep in all these thoughts that have been swirling around my head for the past 3 days let me take a moment to tell you that I got a MacBook! Yay I've joined the rest of the mindless zombies who have caved into Apple's great power. Meh it's still a good machine, though typing can get a bit weird sometimes.

Getting back to the original topic at hand... memories. If you're a guy with issues (A.K.A me) then definitely there are going be moments during the day when you look back at all the shitty stuff you've done with your life and feel absolutely terrible at how you reacted to them. There are still times when I just feel sad at how terrible a person I was and how I goofed up so many times. The irritating part is because of my ability to recollect so clearly, I'm basically reliving those moments day after day, night after night, wondering how I could have done those things... and what would have happened if things had occurred differently?

People always tell me that I zone out sometimes. It's quite obvious when you're staring at me and I look like a somewhat paralyzed dog with my eyes all misty and not at all interested in what you're saying. It's at that point when I'm actually deep inside my own thoughts (wow that sounded weird) wondering how situations will play out if certain elements of it were to be changed. More often than not, I bow to the inevitable, sure that in time what I saw will in fact come true.

In other news I tend to overthink a lot. Like a lot. Like seriously way too much for any sane person to be doing so (well we all knew I was never sane). Thing is I overthink things because that how I've always lived my life ever since I reached high school. As a person who always found it difficult to interact with others (making friends was like playing life on expert mode) I would generally stay in the shadows, watching from a distance and wondering what would happen if I went up to someone just to say 'hi'.

Being a person who is naturally singled out as the 'weird' one, I've come to accept that title as part of myself. Weirdness just seems to flow through me, though I feel what I do is quite normal. Maybe that's the way things are... one person's view isn't the same as the others.

Emotional Foreplay

Arousing title isn't it? Or maybe not... hey I bet this is like word-porn for Grammar Nazis. Moving on from that rather disturbing mental image that is now stuck in my head (I'll describe it for you if you ask nicely) I think it's time I admitted something that I personally have been a part of, and I'm sure many of you out there have been as well.

So Emotional Foreplay, funny kind of thought and even funnier how it is seems to actually make sense. We're all human, so we all have our own flaws, be it physical or mental. This time I'd like to talk about the mental part (don't worry I'm not insane... much) and how sometimes without realizing we abuse the powers of emotions.

Being a teen in his prime (yeah right) definitely hormones are going to be raging (don't take that sexually) and the brain is at it's most vulnerable at this time of our lives. We can read signs wrong, freak out over minor issues for no reason, even do things we're sure to regret in the later years (I know I have). Yet we still push on, confused and disorientated, but without a care in the world... Now the only issue here is that, what happens when those problems catch up with us?

Lately I've been thinking of my past (going to get all deep down here) regarding my life as a bubble, and the more I think the more I wonder how on Earth that bubble hasn't popped considering what all I've done. If you're like me and are awkwardly blunt about your opinions of others, then I'm sure there are moments where you completely regret what may have just said. This problem had unfortunately gotten so bad with me, that literally five seconds after saying something stupid, I'd realize I was an ass and wish I hadn't gone so far. Sadly words can't be taken back once spoken.

Getting back to the main point of this post, I wanted to ask you to think of how you've used emotions for your own purposes. Have you toyed with someone's love? Have you merely pretended to be close friends with a person who trusted you? Have you ever realized that what you're doing right now is wrong? I'm by far the worst person to be asking about this, mainly cause being hurt time after time gives you a sort of surrealistic approach to life. Right now, at this point of time while my fingers brush across the keyboard, I know for a fact that sometimes you've just got put on a brave face. It sucks to always be someone's target, but listen to me and I tell you what I've told nearly everyone who've asked me for advice (god knows why)... 'Let it go, because sometimes... they're just not worth it'.

Anyways that's my view, my perspective and my opinion. Its significance to you I'll probably never know but if it does help... then (and I say this in all honesty) I'm glad I could be of some use. In the mean time lemme show you the people who sometimes are worth fighting for... let's hope I'm right.

Kids Today

I'm not a kid okay? A line I swear to you I've used more often than necessary despite being a fully fledged 18 year old. Yet people always think that I'm a child. Wonder why? More importantly, what's wrong with being a kid?

Everyone around us seems to be growing up so fast that in reality I often wonder, who's the adult, them or I? I mean if you look at statistics I know more 13 year old's who've gone to 2nd base than guys my age. It's like GOD, do you have any hormonal control whatsoever? Wow this is going be a ranting post, and I'm pretty sure it's going to upset quite a few people. Meh, not like I care that much. Okay maybe I do care a little... don't hate me :).

As I was saying, the youth today seemed to have flipped roles with us oldies in general. For starters which sane 15 year old goes shirtless at every party possible? Do they secretly wait to show off their undeveloped child-shaped frame? Do girls even find that attractive? Wow I'm seriously out of the loop if that is considered to be the in-thing in today's world. I mean I get it Dubai's hot, but there's central A.C everywhere. Put your shirt back on man, pneumonia isn't cool.

God I'm going to get so bashed for this :'). Anyways now that I've covered that topic let's get onto parties when I was fifteen, and parties for today's fifteen year olds. For starter I'm pretty sure there was no alcohol. A DJ maybe but not always. Pool parties nah (we were socially awkward back then). Weirdly enough I'm kinda jealous now. These guys were having a lot more fun than I ever did as a youngster (I'm still young just not kid young). Still I mean we got brains, they got fun. I think in the long run it's going to be okay. Also which underage girl goes to a nightclub to get wasted with a fake ID? Have you lost all sense of purpose or is this just a phase? Seriously I'm curious.

Yeah I'm probably hated by literally the entire junior population (nothing new) but this is my blog and I'm allowed an opinion, albeit a critical one. Now let me just set the record straight over here. Not all the people of this young generation are like this. While most tend to be somewhere in the middle of this classification, there are always extremes on both sides. I've also discovered something new. Depending on the high school you go to, you can easily distinguish the type of teenage life you'll have. Again this view is subject to debate but most of the schools with an international curriculum are a lot more party-crazy than the others who follow a different education board. Now I'm not sure why this happens or how, but it does and in my opinion things are getting mighty out of control.

Still though I guess it's only fair that I end this rather debacle of a piece with a bit of advice. Trust me for I say this to you out there with all sincerity. Partying is fun, but don't ruin your chance at a successful future just because you love to enjoy yourself. The future is going to be either fun or an absolute hell. This depends on what you do now. So take a break from the partying... maybe do a bit of actual kid stuff. Like us.

I Found Something Louder Than Words

Ironic that I'm writing about this? Yes? No? Oh... you don't care. Well I didn't think that you did anyways. Still it's nice that you're hear, so maybe read the rest of this now that you've already started.

With the development of Social Media platforms, written communication has become the most sought out form of communication, action or interest. People can do virtually anything online and frankly all of us have been affected by the magical wonders of the internet. So naturally that got me thinking, what happened to reality? Have we become so engrossed in the cyber world that we've begun to shun physical interaction? I don't think I have the answer for that but the thought still kind of scares me.

Anyways what I wanted to talk to you people about was in fact real life. I swear to you I've literally been through this situation wherein I find it easier to talk to a person via social media platforms rather than in real life. This is mainly cause I get really awkward during conversation gaps, and I unfortunately speak faster than a jack rabbit on fire. For those of you who didn't get that last reference... I speak fast -_-.

So now you're probably wondering what's wrong with virtual means of communication? Well for starters I've sorta forgotten how to actually have a decent prolonged conversation with a person. I mean aside from a few close friends, the only way I really get to know someone is through whatsapp where I mindlessly drive them crazy (sorry). Also until recently where a certain *annoying* friend forced me to talk to them on the phone, I was completely anti-phone conversation. This actually had been a life long thing and normally I'm quite afraid of actually picking up the phone and calling someone to just randomly talk to them. Still I learned and I can honestly say I'm not that afraid anymore... I now have a new fear of not knowing when to shut up when talking to someone (oh the problems in life).

Really I'm sure that this post will have no significance to you for you may be quite frankly happy with how you presently interact with others. Well I'm not; I don't think that simply chatting through your phones can help you actually get to know the person... So for now I guess I've found something louder than words.

Why having a mentor rocks

So maybe I'm trying to suck up here but let me do what I want okay? It's my blog so I control it. As I was saying (wow I've gone power mad) we all need a mentor in our lives.

Now I'm not talking about the whole 'Karate-Kid' I'll teach you how to avenge your ancestors type of mentor. I'm talking about the person who helps you get a grip on reality when you feel you're about to slide off the rails. Luckily I've found mine... well at least I think I have; she considers me her project to make perfect. :P

So anyways back to the whole mentor idea and why it's awesome. Let's be honest, there is probably no one in your life right now you knows what you're actually going through except for people who've already been in your situation. Those people are basically your potential candidates for a mentor. However finding the right one can be difficult.

Firstly, they need to be sane (mine is borderline) and be well grounded onto reality; unlike me whose head keeps floating in the clouds. You also need to be close to them but not close enough that they become a close friend. This is important, they should be just there to monitor and advise, not hang out with (though once in a while it's okay). Most importantly, they should show genuine desire to want to help you. Now that can be the hardest part to find. A dedicated mentor is perhaps the most difficult thing to identify, but don't worry, there are good people all around the world today.

Now while I'm pretty sure most of you will take this post as a joke and consider that I've gone stark raving mad at 1 o'clock in the morning, please for the love of god take my advice. Find someone now! Someone who understands you. Someone who you feel is the right one to take as a role model. Okay so maybe I am sucking up, but I can't help it, I've found my life guide. Or maybe I'm retarded .

Why everyone is related to Pinocchio.

Yes it's true. I bring you startling evidence that deep down inside we're all made of balsa wood and are blessed by a fairy to one day become a real boy (ladies sorry for the gender bender, blame Disney not me). Now let's see, there are three aspects of Pinocchio that I can remember from my childhood. The first two, while useful to understand I find less significant  compared to the third element.

For starters Pinocchio is a wooden boy. Now I can get all fancy with my choice of words and tell you in 5 different ways of how this is useful to know. Instead though I'll preserve my dignity (and your interest) and lay the whole thing out simple. So being made of wood is a real bummer. I mean splinters everywhere. It also means you're completely at risk of your surroundings with the greatest threat being mankind. Similarly there will always be people in your life wanting to cut you down and turn you into toothpicks (the minty kind with the green tips). So should you let that get you down? Damn straight you shouldn't! You should be like little Pinoke and always have faith in yourself. The little tyke believed that he was a real boy and he eventually became one. Follow in his wooden footsteps..

Our next big reveal is that Pinocchio had an issue with lying. Now if you're as bad as me when it comes to lying (I blush like crazy) then obviously this isn't an issue for you since nobody believes you anyways. However for the rest of you more skilled at this fine art, lying really is like a time bomb waiting to go off. Now I'm not saying that your nose will grow or anything, although think of how epic that would be, but it's definitely going to bite you on your behind later on. Trust me, I have friends who I know still regret not being upfront when faced with a difficult situation. They learned 'big time' that lying, never works. However this rule only applies to lies you use to save your butt, I mean lies to keep people's dignity intact are still sorta okay.

Our final element of this amazingly confusing post is that Pinoke was a puppet, and in reality so are we. Now this is a bit more difficult to explain as there quite a few ways in which strings have been stitched through our ligaments. Let see, there are firstly those who are influenced by the media. People sporting designer bags like it actually matters. A bag is a bag, status symbol or not; if the world ever does end up being destroyed by a giant fireball, that shit is toast. There are also those led astray by social pressure. Peoples actions, harsh remarks, and snide jokes directed towards you can usually push you against a wall of your own decisions.Eventually you'll be forced to climb it only to fall down flat on your back. Finally and most importantly there are those who are led astray by individuals. Deceivers, two-faced friends and sadly people who toy with your emotions have all in some way been part of our social circle. The part that most of you won't believe is that each one of us has played these roles as well, although till this day we may remain blissfully unaware of the harm we caused to people. For those of you on the receiving end, the effect is almost painful to witness. It destroys your belief in humanity and trust when your perception of a person is completely changed by that one sudden action that deep down inside you'd always hoped wouldn't occur. Wow I sorta lost myself in my words over there, but I really hope I didn't go overboard like I usually do.

So now that I've mercilessly analyzed a simple Disney movie better than any literature teacher could, I guess I'll let you in on why then the movie still brings a smile to my face every time I see it... his name is Jiminy Cricket. Our conscience in the form of a friend. Someone who's there to see you through the wrong and guide you into the right. True he is a bug and max has a life span of what like 6 weeks, but at least he's useful enough to keep around (totally wrecked that emotional moment).

Wow I didn't know Disney had so much thought involved when they wrote the screenplay for the movie. Or maybe that's just me and my crazy overactive imagination. Still I now have an outlet, even it's a small one. I guess this is the end? Till next time my brain decides to go haywire this is me saying 'buh-bye'.

Fending for yourself... and why I'm likely to starve

I'm HUNGRY! To put it mildly... and there's absolutely nothing in this stupid fridge that can provide sustenance. So now what? *Shudders* Heaven forbid I have to actually cook. I can almost feel the judgement coming from my mother who always told me to learn. Ah well, guess we all start somewhere, don't we? So today I thought I'd shed a little light on what it's like to actually live by yourself.

No jokes, life isn't always a party (though I secretly wish it was), and once in a while you need to focus and act responsible. Now as a teenager, I think Oxford should have an edited version of their dictionary; one that doesn't include the word 'responsible' or any synonyms for it anywhere in it's 334 pages (yes I googled that). It's just not natural for teens to be responsible. Like the unwritten law of opening doors for the opposite sex, everyone knows that teenagers and responsibility do not go together. So then what happens when we're forced to become self reliant? In one word... Chaos!

So let's see how badly a teen can mess up his daily life. For starters I woke up today at 12:30pm because I unfortunately forgot to set my alarm and party due to the fact that I went to bed at 3am in the morning. So naturally I missed my morning run and it was too late for breakfast although I did manage to burn two pieces of toast and call it food. Since I was too lazy to do the laundry yesterday I didn't have any of my regular clothes to change into so I was forced to wear some of my older items that make me look like a shady extra in the carnival (not even the main attraction, an 'extra'). I couldn't find anything to make for lunch so I ended up ordering Chinese and trust me no one likes egg rolls in the afternoon. Moving on to when I finally sat down to do some work I realized that I had forgotten to feed my pets. Naturally there was no hay since I had forgotten to buy some, so off I went to Animal World. Like usual the tank was empty so I spent another half an hour at the pump, and just to top things off, when I reached the store the owners had gone out for lunch. The sad part is the day has just started and already I feel like the end is near.

So maybe my version was a bit extreme but I'm sure at some point of time in your life things have piled up so much that they literally collapsed onto each other. It's like a cascade of unforeseen events, all of which seem to wreck havoc on your schedule. Weirdly though I guess this is how you learn. I mean sooner or later all of us at some point of time will have to grow up and fend for ourselves... unless you're Veronica Lodge, that chick has enough dough to buy her way of life. For the rest of us though, I guess it's two minute Maggie and an endless supply of Kinder chocolates until we learn to cook...

Friends, the weird glass cannon.

I swear to God this better not be a depressing post -_-. I'm tired of being all melodramatic so for a change I thought I'd write a bit more about reality and the important lessons to be learned from it.

Now I'm betting that 50% of you will have no idea whatsoever of what I'm talking about whereas the other 50% will get what I'm dishing out almost immediately. So for the modest 50% of you who have no idea what I'm talking about as well as the curious few of you who enjoy reading what I have to say (you're probably crazy), let me elaborate on why I've decided to link one of life's necessities to an awkward analogy of a weapon.

Okay so for starters what is a glass cannon? Clearly if you haven't gotten a basic idea by now, then perhaps you need some help. Still for convenience sake, I'll explain it all out. In essence a glass cannon is basically a metaphor for something that seems incredibly strong and powerful but yet breaks at the slightest touch. Now to me, friends and friendship is a lot like that.

Before you get ahead of yourself and automatically decide you've read enough and instinctively shut this link, let me at least explain what I'm trying to get at. As I was saying friends and friendship is lot like a glass cannon. Think about it, they've always been there for you, strong, everlasting and powerful enough to help see you through almost anything you encounter in life. Yet there are those moments where that tiny precise element that puts them at risk leads to the shattering of any link or concern they may have had for you.

Now as the saying goes ' it's every man for himself'. Clearly this should have been written as a rule of conduct when it comes to those you spend your time with. I mean trust me there are times when you're cursing yourself for being foolish enough to trust some people. So then why keep friends at all? The answer is quite simple, the human body hungers for interaction. Good or bad, love or hate, we need to interact with the rest of the world to function sanely. If not you might end up like me, lost in a world of your own thoughts, and trust me you do not want that.

So that's my take on this perilous topic and somehow I've turned one of nature's greatest gifts into a curse. Yeah I definitely have issues. Yet I weirdly enough have a lot of friends. Maybe opposites attract? The socially awkward teenager that can't seem to stop getting to know people. That would be an epic movie plot. Till then I'll just keep to myself, with writing keeping me company...

Disappointment... And why Imagination is better than Reality

Clearly I've realized that most of you have probably gotten bored with my whole 'depressing post' syndrome but this my blog so I'll say to you what I say to everyone else who criticize me, 'Deal with it'.

Now that we've got that out of the way let's move on with why I've decided to go all Devdas and write this ridiculous piece. Feeling disappointed is natural I guess, especially to teenagers who often complain about life not being fair. Truth be told some of us really don't realize how lucky we are because we choose to whine about the little things that we feel seem to matter. Now don't get me wrong, it's good to care about the little things, but making a big deal about a tiny problem won't solve anything. Someone once told me, 'Keep low expectations for everyone, cause in the end they're all going to let you down'. I don't think he realized how significant that one sentence would become or whether or not he too had played a part in it.

So now I'm going to take a slightly different route to this morose post and question why people get disappointed; perhaps the answer lies in the image we expect to be created, and the harsh reality that soon follows. To be honest (wow never thought I'd say that), a major contributor towards why we feel low is because of what we had hoped would happen.

These fantasies we devise, the scenarios we create and the pictures we envision are all grossly over exemplified and lack the discord that reality brings with it. Think about what I've said here (if you can understand it), haven't there been times when you were excited for something solely because of how you anticipated it would be, only to be let down when things didn't go the way they were planned? If that's the case then join the club, for everyone and anyone has at some point of time been deceived by their own imagination.

So now what? I for one really love immersing myself into the visions I can create inside my head, oblivious to my surroundings and free from all the negativity. Sadly though I can't stay in my dream world for very long, and sooner or later it's time to face to perils that reality brings with it. So from this I'll leave you with a piece of advice...  while imagination is good, and creativity is sometimes necessary to add a bit of mystery to your life, you should never let it take control of how you perceive life and how you decide to live it.

Change and why you miss the past

I've probably lost my mind right about now by taking on a topic so vast and unforgiving, but yet I feel that at least to me writing is the only way that I'll remember what I've learnt over the years. True to the point change is by far one of the most terrifying things a person can experience. What's even scarier is that usually we don't realize it.

I came upon this 'nugget' of information when I glanced upon (okay stalked) the ways in which so many of us have evolved from what we once were. Some like me have escaped from the suffocating shell of the lives we once led. Others have taken on a new personality that gives them the potential to be what their parents always knew they had inside of them.

So then why do I catch myself reminiscing about the past? Why does looking at old photos bring such a smile to my face? Truth is I don't really know.

They say human beings were put on this Earth to evolve. Yet why do our parents keep on wishing for the good old days? You know it's funny of how while writing this post the answer suddenly came to my lips, but I'll save that for later.

Now many of us can only see change as a physical aspect, something that seems different to us. True while in many cases changing one's inner-self may lead to a drastic change in our appearance, that is not always the case. In fact many a time I look back at my old photos wondering who I've become in these past few years . Can I honestly say, without a moments hesitation that I am better of than when I once was? 

True change is inevitable and life does need to go on, but consider the fact that time is endless and without consent it will  carry on. The trick though is how to utilize it. As I said earlier there is a reason out parents yearn for the good old days of their childhood... It's the only proof they have of a life well spent