Okay so before I get knee-deep in all these thoughts that have been swirling around my head for the past 3 days let me take a moment to tell you that I got a MacBook! Yay I've joined the rest of the mindless zombies who have caved into Apple's great power. Meh it's still a good machine, though typing can get a bit weird sometimes.
Getting back to the original topic at hand... memories. If you're a guy with issues (A.K.A me) then definitely there are going be moments during the day when you look back at all the shitty stuff you've done with your life and feel absolutely terrible at how you reacted to them. There are still times when I just feel sad at how terrible a person I was and how I goofed up so many times. The irritating part is because of my ability to recollect so clearly, I'm basically reliving those moments day after day, night after night, wondering how I could have done those things... and what would have happened if things had occurred differently?
People always tell me that I zone out sometimes. It's quite obvious when you're staring at me and I look like a somewhat paralyzed dog with my eyes all misty and not at all interested in what you're saying. It's at that point when I'm actually deep inside my own thoughts (wow that sounded weird) wondering how situations will play out if certain elements of it were to be changed. More often than not, I bow to the inevitable, sure that in time what I saw will in fact come true.
In other news I tend to overthink a lot. Like a lot. Like seriously way too much for any sane person to be doing so (well we all knew I was never sane). Thing is I overthink things because that how I've always lived my life ever since I reached high school. As a person who always found it difficult to interact with others (making friends was like playing life on expert mode) I would generally stay in the shadows, watching from a distance and wondering what would happen if I went up to someone just to say 'hi'.
Being a person who is naturally singled out as the 'weird' one, I've come to accept that title as part of myself. Weirdness just seems to flow through me, though I feel what I do is quite normal. Maybe that's the way things are... one person's view isn't the same as the others.
Getting back to the original topic at hand... memories. If you're a guy with issues (A.K.A me) then definitely there are going be moments during the day when you look back at all the shitty stuff you've done with your life and feel absolutely terrible at how you reacted to them. There are still times when I just feel sad at how terrible a person I was and how I goofed up so many times. The irritating part is because of my ability to recollect so clearly, I'm basically reliving those moments day after day, night after night, wondering how I could have done those things... and what would have happened if things had occurred differently?
People always tell me that I zone out sometimes. It's quite obvious when you're staring at me and I look like a somewhat paralyzed dog with my eyes all misty and not at all interested in what you're saying. It's at that point when I'm actually deep inside my own thoughts (wow that sounded weird) wondering how situations will play out if certain elements of it were to be changed. More often than not, I bow to the inevitable, sure that in time what I saw will in fact come true.
In other news I tend to overthink a lot. Like a lot. Like seriously way too much for any sane person to be doing so (well we all knew I was never sane). Thing is I overthink things because that how I've always lived my life ever since I reached high school. As a person who always found it difficult to interact with others (making friends was like playing life on expert mode) I would generally stay in the shadows, watching from a distance and wondering what would happen if I went up to someone just to say 'hi'.
Being a person who is naturally singled out as the 'weird' one, I've come to accept that title as part of myself. Weirdness just seems to flow through me, though I feel what I do is quite normal. Maybe that's the way things are... one person's view isn't the same as the others.
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